Hagfish-itis

Did you see that episode of QI (with Mr Stephen Fry) where they discussed the hagfish? the hagfish has a defence mechanism where if you pick one up it turns any liquid into copious, and I mean copious amounts of mucus, gumming up it's enemy and getting away. A hagfish can turn a bucket of water into goo in under a minute.

I've caught a cold.

Last night I became so fed up with blowing my nose that I tore off a bit of tissue, rolled it into a sausage shape and shoved it up my nose to catch the drips. Ah sweet slumber.
I woke up in the morning and tried to extracate said tissue, only to find it had dried hard and attached itself to some of my inner nose hairs. OH BOY did that make my eyes water!

Anyway, the hagfish has got nowt on me today!

Just stop it!

This morning at 6am I awoke on a beautiful sunny morning to the sound of the cat being sick on the landing and 4 young magpies taking it in turns to dismantle the safety net around Little Fink's trampoline. I cleared up the cat sick (funny how you get desensitized to things?) then checked on the magpies. They had exhausted the fun to be had in picking lumps of safety foam off the poles around the trampoline (garden looked like it had been snowing!) and were now checking out every nook and cranny for insects and grubs. I was starting to warm to their inquisitive natures when, one of them went into next door's garden, pecked at something on the floor. It was having a great time flicking and pecking this bit of wood, it picked the wood up in it's beak and flew onto my shed roof. It suddenly dawned on me, it wasn't a bit of wood, it was a turd.

The bloody magpies have been stealing dog poos from next door's garden and putting them on my shed roof. Oh good grief!

The Last Straw

Oh my God.

As you may be aware, I belong to a 'virtual' community called Freecycle. The aim of Freecycle to to pass on unwanted, but still serviceable items to the people that can make use of them. Got a fridge you are replacing that is too good for the tip - Freecycle. Got some wicker baskets you don't know what to do with - Freecycle. you can also place Wanted ads there. I've been lucky enough to have been given (for only the price of my petrol to collect the item) clothes for fancy dress costumes, a knitting machine, skipping ropes, an ansafone, coat hangers and a light weight wardrobe. In the main, it is a lovely community. However, and you knew it was coming, here is the creepiest ad I've seen so far ..... et la......

Any mums-to-be need an inflatable birth pool for a home birth?

EUWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Finks 1 v Wasps 0

Malevolent. a word no one ever uses but take one look at that picture and you know exactly what that word means.

Tis the season for queen waspies to be finding out of the way places to built their (I have to concede) beautiful paper nests and reproduce. Well, not on my watch matey!

Yesterday while hanging the washing out I noticed a wasp taking an unhealthy interest in the eves above our living room window, there was a tiny gap which 'she' crawled through and my creepy crawly alarm bells started to ring. I bravely asked Mr fink to bung up the hole tonight, which he skillfully did with Duct Tape ("It's great gear this tape" quote from Mr Fink).

I'm sitting here facing the window watching the wasp try to work out why she can no longer get into the gap she has been in and out of all day and I have to tell you, I have a perverse sense of pleasure and satisfaction that she will have to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. It's a small victory, but it's still a victory!

- I remember in a previous life, some of my work colleagues were commenting on my recent holiday with Mr Fink and while looking at photos of the wild animal park at Thrigby one of them said, "I see Mr Fink got on with the wildlife while he was away." To which some 'wit' replied, "Well, he went with Mrs Fink didn't he?" Oh har bludy har"

Bits and Bobs

What a strange day. It started off on a bad note when Mr Fink leaned over the bed to kiss me goodbye this morning with the words, "Good luck at the dentist's!" Argh, I had forgotten all about it. anyway, Little Fink and I braved it and she got off scott free and I had to have mine cleaned. I hate that. The dentist was so clumsy, she kept banging the cleany instrument on my fangs and making them sing. I think I must suffer from ticklish teeth and not in a good way.

Had an enjoyable afternoon helping Nanny collect her new varifocals and trouser shopping with Little fink, she is so much fun to shop with - skinny jeans you can actually bend down in, what will they think of next? I liked the dusky pink leopard skin ones but she went for the plain goth black! Is this a sign of things to come?

After a lovely time I eventually said goodbye to Little Fink, Nanny and Shouty Grandad as they are off on the Grand Tour for the next week.

When I returned home and went to put Laura to bed, as I reached down to open the garage, my hand was covered in something sticky. This worried me as last week, some bright spark had let their dog do the biggest turd in the universe right in front of my garage door, it was so huge I could barely get the door open without touching the top of the poo with the bottom of the door.

So my first thought was, "Oh boy, what's that on the handle? How did they get the dog to do it up there?" I ventured to check more closely, only to find some creative oik had got hold of a jam rolly polly and smeared it all over the garage door and handle, left it to bake all day in the Spring sunshine and was probably watching somewhere nearby, laughing his ass off. It is so hard to drive a car with a jammy hand! I cleaned it all up and went home. All examples of a suitable punishment for the perpetrators to the usual address please.

What the hell's going on with the food?

This morning i was running late. Little Fink distracted me into forgetting to remind her (no wonder I'm confused) to have a shower last night so she had to have one in the morning - and get her stuff ready for sleep over at Nannies later - and get PE kit together - and find clean uniform. 

I was in a bit of a daze - I got my work lunch out - Uncle Benn's express rice - vegetable pillau flavour - put it in the micro for 2 minutes, turned to watch the kettle boil for my heart starter (1st pint of tea of the day) then BANG - something exploded. Bugger - I forgot to open the rice packet before putting it in the micro. Rice everywhere and little time to clear it up and redo my lunch.

I love the smell of curry in the morning - not!

Yoghurt, fire alarms and shouting

They say things come in threes.

1. I took a delicious Madagascan Vanilla yogurt to work for my breakfast. I opened my bag with anticipation at the thick creamy treat I was about to enjoy. NAH, something must have rested on the carton and squashed it. The top had burst and yogurt had exploded all over the inside of my bag. Deep joy. I cleaned it up and as one of my friends says, "Look for the silver lining"...at least my bag smells nice - I hope it lasts and doesn't turn sour.

2. The fire alarms went off at the hospital where i work today. The patients were ushered out, fire engines zooming around and lots of general mayhem going on. (Pity the poor patient stuck in the middle of an MRI machine at the time.) While all this cacophony of noise and people was going on, a patient approached me and asked, "Do you think my 2 o clock appointment will be late?" I surveyed the seven shades of chaos around me, turned to the man, gestured at the melee with my hands and said gently, "Sir, i would almost certainly guarantee it."

3. Little Fink's first netball game at the local sport centre. the chaps tried hard but were soundly beaten, lots of healthy encouragement from the sidelines by the parents. As the children were taking a drinks break between matches, the panic alarm on the nearby tanning booth kept going off, much to the annoyance to the sociopathic receptionist (she and I have history). She tutted, stomped up the corridor, made sure no one was dying in the booth, shut the door and reset the alarm. A few minutes later the alarm went off again. As she marched back to her desk and throne, she said, loud enough for the parents to hear, "Those kids keep setting that off, I don't know WHO is supposed to be looking after them?" I had been watching the booth. As the children were running up and down,. the vibration was causing the door to open and this must have somehow set off the alarm, none of the kids went in. So as she uttered her accusation, I took it personally. "THOSE KIDS as you say, are not setting the alarm off, there is no one in there, you want to get your facts right before you start accusing the children." She said, "Don't you shout at me." (bare in mind there are 4 teams of 9 x 11-year-olds along with parents and coaches talking, yelling and encouraging, in the background). "I've got to shout to be heard over this din." quoth I. she just sat and festered. I've got a good mind to write to the sports centre about her anti social attitude. She acts like we are intruding on her domain instead of being helpful and welcoming. well she doesn't know but I've hexed her good and proper. Boy is she going to be surprised when she wakes up with that boil in the most uncomfortable place for a receptionist!

Shh, Just between you and I....

You'll be glad to hear I am entering the final round of my 2 week long bout with the Snot Fairy and the Man-Cold Goblin. Mr Fink however has succumbed for the second time to the Man-Cold Goblin.

My main problem was sleeping. As soon as I went horizontal, I started to cough and my nose just ran and ran. I had a bright idea to stop the nose-tap. I just bunched up some loo roll (Mr Fink had used all the lovely soft aloe-vera infused man-sized tissues and left me with the scratchy toilet paper) and plugged my nostril with it, turned on my side and drifted off to sleep. I awoke a couple of hours later, rested but with loo roll 'glued' to the inside of my nose. Boy! that makes your eyes water when you pull it off. Ye-ouch. The other problem, coughing, was easily sorted, just go to sleep sitting up. (as an asthma sufferer, I know this works wonders when your chest is wheezing). I wedged pillows round me for support, packed the cushions up behind me and settled my head back, in between the vertical bars of the iron bedstead head - which, cleverly, stops your head rolling from side to side as you nod off. Surprisingly comfy.

I woke up at 'stupid-o-clock' in the morning with my head stuck in the head rail of the bed and a crick in my neck. I must have tried to turn over, got my head caught between the metal uprights and nodded off again. How can you get your husband to take you seriously when you have to wake him in the dead of night saying, "Help, I've got my head stuck in the bed!"

I'm just glad the worst is over. (crossed fingers....toes.....eyes etc etc)

Adendum

And another thing, while I'm on the subject of having a cold. Why, when most people get a cold they also develop a deep, sexy, husky voice? Whereas I sound more like Minnie Mouse??

(The picture? I was wondering when you'd ask, it's a gadget you can buy to relieve your babies congestion. Yes you got it, it's a snot sucker. NOT ON MY WATCH.)

Man Flu Strikes the Finks

Do you remember 'Red Dwarf'? This guy over on the right is Lister. Usually he has a normal shaped head but in this episode he has Space Mumps. Needless to say, at the end of the episode his head explodes and he obtains immense relief.

The way he looks is how I felt all this week. I wish my head had exploded to offer me some relief. It is so sad, the thing I looked forward to was...you know just after you blow your gooey nose really hard..your nasal passages make a creaking, sucking sound, then....just for a few seconds...they clear....AAAAAAhhhh. Bliss.

Anyway, I'm over the worst of it now. Little Fink has had her fair share and battled through really well. Mr Fink is busily trying to avoid us so he doesn't get it!

A little dilemma for you...when you are feeling well enough to return to work but are still fairly snotty/coughy/throaty, should you go back or should you get better - then go back?

Personally I'd rather get better then go back, as I work with doctors, I don't want to give it to them and they give it to the patients in the hospital - the patients must be ill to be in the hospital, the last thing they want is to get the lurgy while they are here. What to do?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address please.

Disease of The Week!

Welcome to the 'Disease of The Week'.

This week I have chosen a disease which has had me chuckling to myself when the rest of my day has been pretty awful.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.....

"Iggy Biggies"

The words are usually accompanied with a tickle under the ear in the neck area, a la...

"Urrrrr, you've got iggy biggies!" poke/tickle.

"Well you've got biddies, eugh!" scratch scratch.

"Well your dad's got a gamy (rhymes with ham-y) leg, so there." (Voice from the kitchen, "Now children stop being silly, there's no such thing as iggy biggies.")

Fingers Crossed

This is Billie, say hello to Billie, she was left in a box on a rabbit owners doorstep in a nearby town. Billie will be coming to join the Fink family after our holiday. I'll be trying to introduce her to Mr Chips over the 3 weeks of the Summer Hols. "How did this come about?" I hear you ask.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeell. As you know, after the Blue Cross fiasco of finding a friend for Mr Chips I kept looking through the Tinternet and came across Agatha's Annex. A lady who lives not far from me who has been rescuing rabbits for a number of years. I contacted her, visited her and had a lovely afternoon surrounded by bunnies and guinea pigs. Agatha even showed me how to groom Mr Chips. what a lovely lady (and her hubby too!). Unfortunately circumstances were such that there mere no suitable companions available for Mr Chips there.

The next evening as i was doing my usual 'bum-check' on RabbitFink, I found fly eggs, the first stage of Flystrike' which is a serious/fatal disease for rabbits, where a fly is attracted to a rabbit because it is dirty for whatever reason and lays its eggs on the rabbit, near its behind, after as little as 12 hours, the eggs hatch and the infant maggots start eating the rabbit. Needless to say it is a distressing and terrible death for a rabbit. I have always prided myself on the fact that my rabbit was clean and well cared for, so it just goes to show, it can happen to anyone. With the help of Mr Fink, I removed all the eggs, cutting away some of Mr Chips' fur to make sure they were all gone. Mr Fink phoned our vet and was told the fee would be £105 as it was after hours - that was just to open the doors, we would have to pay the consultation fee etc. on top. Well, I was certain Mr Chips was now out of danger, so I left the visit till the morning. the vet kept Mr chips in, shaved his tail and bum (the rabbit's, not the vet's) and painted him with a medicine called, "Rearguard" to protect him from flystrike for the next 8 weeks. All to the tune of £80. Now you know me, I love my animals but why do I always feel ripped off by this Vets? On the itemised bill it showed the medicine cost £15. That's why.

Rant over.

The lady who has Billie contacted Agatha to try and find Billie a home as Billie doesn't get on with her 2 rabbits (they have the most beautiful Beagle there too - i fell in love with him!), so Agatha told me about her.

So cross your fingers that Billie and Mr Chips like each other!!

There will be no posts for 2 weeks as I am on holiday in Weymouth. Do you remember, years ago when the daily newspapers used to offer a £5 prize to anyone who could quote the phrase of the day to Chalky White carrying the newspaper? (The Sun or The Mirror I think). Well, if you spot me, Mrs Fink, in the next 2 weeks, and you say, "My word Mrs Fink, you are looking slim and gorgeous." I will reward you with a big smile and a firm handshake!

No rain dances now - we're camping!

100 Entries - Wow Who'd have thought?

BadgerFink having a drink from the Fink Sink

This is a vid taken on my phone, of Mr fink's cat having his morning drink - very off putting for guests sitting on the loo, when the cat opens the bathroom door, jumps in the sink then miaows until you turn the tap on for him!

Anywho, I took Little Fink and her new friend Eddie Kidd (he is fearless and a daredevil - a lovely boy) swimming yesterday. Eddie told me he hadn't been for ages so had forgotten what to do with his arms when swimming. Before I could turn round, he had dived into the pool headfirst and came up spluttering, he can't swim!

After a few instructions he could swim (after a fashion) on his back. Anyway, both children really enjoyed themselves. When we got home, there was just time for Little fink to grab a sandwich and a drink then off to Ju-Jitsu with her dad (he is/was a green belt). She enjoyed it immensely and cant wait to go again next week. She learned how to escape a stranglehold!!!!, hip throws and body drops. Sounds like I will have to watch myself!

Sports Day today, unless it is raining, or too hot, or like a secondary school not too far from here that this week had to cancel it's sports day because the 4th years had emptied some of the drink out of their water bottles and substituted it for vodka. The teacher had to send them all home as they were drunk trying to do the discus and javelin. A bit different to our rebellions eh? My worst sports day crime was arranging with my friend that we would come last together because we were so rubbish at running. And remember having to do games in your knickers and vest if you forgot your kit - or worse, you had to get kit out of the lost property box ARGH YUCK.

Oh YUCK, that's disgusting.

What is the most efficient way to wake me up and get me out of bed in the morning.

I didn't know this until this morning at 6.30am. The alarm had gone off for the first time, I reached my leg over the cover to cool down a bit. It slowly dawned on me that I had a cold, wet big toe??? My brain put two and two together and went from asleep...to "OH YUCK that is disgusting" in 0.4 seconds. I realised that earlier in the night, the cat must have been sick on the cover and I had put my foot in it. I hopped to the bathroom (didn't want to get furball on the floor as well!) and washed my foot, cleared up the mess and got back into bed. Mr Fink just pretended he hadn't noticed. (I bet he knew hours ago but just waited for me to discover it and clean it up!)

Ah well, my 3 weeks off work is nearly over, it is so hard to go back after time off. I've just checked the calendar and it would appear, because of school holidays, I don't work a full month again until September - how cool is that!

Also, I have found a groovy website "GeoCache". It's a treasure hunt type of thing, members hide a tupperware box full of trinkets and a log book somewhere, post the coordinates on the internet and you can go and find it (I get to play with my Sat Nav too!). You can swap a trinket, sign the log book and put the cache back. You can then record your find on the website. We had a quick look for one in the Car Park at Dymchurch but I didn't find it (time was tight). There is one close to where I live so, when the weather fairs up a bit, I'll be mooching about in the hedgerows looking for tupperware!

Smoke gets in your eyes

My cooker BEFORE the nice man came to clean it....

(note mystery stain on the bottom of it toward the front.......don't know where it came from, don't know how long it's been there.)
- Even Nigella is a cooker-cleaning-lazy-bones -

OH joy and rapture, my lovely shiny cooker. I asked the cooker cleaner guy to marry me but he said no, because I was obviously a "lazy housewife that never cleaned a thing in her life".It was worth every penny - it took 4.5 hours - how much would you pay someone to do yours? How much do you think mine cost? (top and bottom ovens)

(I'd recommend it 100%)

Anyway on to less trivial matters. I was reading the BBC news magazine online and it gave tips on how to stick to your New Years Resolutions. The first tip was - "Tell everyone what your resolution is, that way you will be less tempted to loose face and break it."

So here goes - I've given up smoking.

I had my last cig on Dymchurch beach on New Year's Day. Be gentle with me, it's early days yet but I feel more determined this time than any other. I have to do this for my health and my family. There, I've said it.

To keep busy, I have cleaned everything in the house, if it stands still for 2 minutes in here, it has been bleached, scraped, scrubbed and polished (animals included). I have even made mince pies - oh yes I'm serious.

I'm off now (10pm) for a glass or two of ruby red and my hardest test so far - I always used to smoke when I drank. fingers, toes and teeth crossed.

TTFN Mrs Fink

PS I just heard this on Q.I. the cerebral quiz with (wonderful) Stephen Fry, he said - "Experts have now predicted that technology on board aircraft in the future will reduce the current 3 man aeroplane crews down to one man and a dog. The man is there to feed the dog. The dog is there to bite the man if he touches anything! (made me laugh anyway)!

Add insult to injury

Poor Mr Fink, on Friday I arrived home at 7pm (that's not why we should feel sorry for him, I'm coming to that) only to find that during the day, his right elbow had swollen up, turned angry red and felt like it was on fire.

After a 3 hour wait in Casualty, anti biotics, the threat of lancing, flu symptoms brought on by the infection, the arm is still as red, swollen and hot as it was on Friday. The only difference is that he is not allowed to drink (not that he feels like it at the moment) because of the pills the doc gave him.

I'm a sort of 'the glass is half full' type of person, and with the holiday season upon us, it did occur to me that Mr Fink's inability to drink might be useful? When it dawned on me - because his arm is so swollen, he can't drive either. DOH (and him with a new car too!)

You can tell I'm the caring sort? No?

Badgers and all that jazz

http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

Click the link above to be driven completely mad, once you've heard it you won't forget it. (thanks to Mr & Mrs (Philious) Fogg - they travel A LOT, for the link)

Right, Little Fink belongs to 'baby' St John Ambulance, they call them 'Badgers'. They work towards badges, go for days out (last year they had a sleep over at the natural history museum but Little Fink was not old enough to go) and learn first aid.

Little Fink has been going for 2 and a half years now!!!! The first night she came home, she wrapped her dad in bandages and put sticky plasters all over his head!

This week was their annual presentation, they practised their drill and marched into the room, dressed right and stood to attention. Little Fink was awarded with 4 badges, her silver paw award and 'Most Caring Badger' in her sett. She also gained her 'Follow Me' epaulettes, this means the little ones can look up to her for help and guidance. I was so proud. The ladies that run this are smashing and deserve all praise. Hats off to them.

On a lighter note - another 'peach' from freecycle...I don't know about you but this ad. kind of turned my stomach - a case of a little too much information! (the next day there was a post to say the item had been collected. Good Grief.

"Hemel Freecycle offered - tena comfort mini extra - 26 packs of 21 pads. no longer required. progressed to larger pads!!!"