Candles, Traps and the return of the Mercy Dash.

It's a picture taken in my parent's bathroom at the weekend. It's shows a hard skin scraper and a candle.
Nanny (my mum) lives with Shouty Grandad (my dad) so you can imagine I've seen some odd things in their bathroom from time to time! nanny looked at me with a straight face and said, once she'd taken the hard skin off her feet, she rubbed them with a candle which makes them nice and soft. ???? (Well how come she still needs the foot scraper then?)

Little Fink (11 yo daughter) and I replaced the crayfish traps in the local river on Tuesday, we'd tried to get permission to locate them at a more secluded spot but there was no one around to ask so we used our regular place. Wednesday, Nanny and I went to check on them and 1 trap was missing. It looks like the rain had swollen the river causing one trap to move with the water. It appears the anchor string broke and fell in the water allowing the trap to become beached on the shallow gravel. A branch had recently been broken of a nearby tree (just call me Miss Marple) so I surmise that someone took the branch and manoeuvred the trap out of the water and away. . However, the loss of the trap was almost worth it, just to see Nanny knee deep in the river searching for the missing trap wielding an extendible decorating pole with a big hook taped to the end. (3 crayfish in the remaining trap, killed, cooked and frozen)

On Sunday I had arranged to go metal detecting with Nanny, the fields our club has permission to dig on are about an hours drive away. Hold that thought......
Many years ago, I used to share a house with KT, we were young and daft, had parties and loads of fun. We encountered the phenomenon known to us as The Mercy Dash. This was generally accepted to refer to the urgent trip to the toilet required after a night on the beer - if you know what I mean. It's been 13 years since KT and I shared a house and I had forgotten about the fabled Mercy Dash.....until Sunday.
So imagine, if you will, me - we've been walking the fields for an hour, no loos for miles around, then suddenly it's Mercy Dash time. Oh boy did we get home quick! The downside of metal detecting.

100 Entries - Wow Who'd have thought?

BadgerFink having a drink from the Fink Sink

This is a vid taken on my phone, of Mr fink's cat having his morning drink - very off putting for guests sitting on the loo, when the cat opens the bathroom door, jumps in the sink then miaows until you turn the tap on for him!

Anywho, I took Little Fink and her new friend Eddie Kidd (he is fearless and a daredevil - a lovely boy) swimming yesterday. Eddie told me he hadn't been for ages so had forgotten what to do with his arms when swimming. Before I could turn round, he had dived into the pool headfirst and came up spluttering, he can't swim!

After a few instructions he could swim (after a fashion) on his back. Anyway, both children really enjoyed themselves. When we got home, there was just time for Little fink to grab a sandwich and a drink then off to Ju-Jitsu with her dad (he is/was a green belt). She enjoyed it immensely and cant wait to go again next week. She learned how to escape a stranglehold!!!!, hip throws and body drops. Sounds like I will have to watch myself!

Sports Day today, unless it is raining, or too hot, or like a secondary school not too far from here that this week had to cancel it's sports day because the 4th years had emptied some of the drink out of their water bottles and substituted it for vodka. The teacher had to send them all home as they were drunk trying to do the discus and javelin. A bit different to our rebellions eh? My worst sports day crime was arranging with my friend that we would come last together because we were so rubbish at running. And remember having to do games in your knickers and vest if you forgot your kit - or worse, you had to get kit out of the lost property box ARGH YUCK.

What's that noise?

All day Tuesday I kept as busy as I could, tidying up, putting things away, washing clothes etc. When I was taking some bits and pieces upstairs, I stood in our bedroom and could hear an unfamiliar noise...like a computer running or the heating being on. I tried to pin point the sound. It was most noticeable by our wardrobe but not coming from inside, perhaps the loft then? I'll get Mr Fink to check when he gets home.

I carried on, still aware of the noise but unable to locate the source.

Mr Fink came in and noticed it, checked the loft, nothing. We had tea and a few glasses of wine then he went to bed. He said he couldn't possibly sleep with that noise droning away all night so went round to the neighbour to ask them to check their loft and bedroom for anything that would make an alarm clock/electronic kind of noise. They humoured him and checked - nothing.

(A similar incident happened when Little Fink was about 2. We could hear a noise like feedback on a microphone coming from the living room. We checked everywhere, then became convinced it was the pother neighbours smoke alarm. We got in touch with them and it wasn't that - in the end we worked out it was Little Fink's karaoke tape recorded issuing a feedback noise! oops)

Mr Fink eventually fell asleep, I went to bed, could still hear the noise. About 4.30 am I went to the loo and it suddenly dawned on me (I have all my best ideas on the throne). I checked in the box of bits and bobs I had taken upstairs earlier in the day and lo and behold - the source of the noise was revealed...

An upside down Furby in the bottom of the box. I'm sorry to say he hasn't been the same since but I'm hoping to take him to The Oracle's Furby Hospital later so she can take a look at him!

What should I tell the neighbour when she asks?

Another brilliant idea

It's a piece of kake...

I have a brilliant idea for the military. Forget all these new designs for stealth bombers with angled surfaces to deflect and reflect radar. The army should just make their tanks out of the same stuff that toilet roll skeletons are made of. you know, the cardboard tube inside the roll.

Once these rolls have lost their covering of toilet paper, they become invisible to 2/3's of the population - at least in our house anyway.

In the past, i have set up experiments with these tubes. I have left them on the side in the bathroom to see how many will gather before they become visible to the other members of my family. Go on guess. 2? 3?....

7 SEVEN!!! and even then they were not spotted. I could not bear it any more and I removed them to the bin.

If the army don't want to paint their tanks in toilet roll tubes, they could alternatively use...black socks, children's shoes or anything belonging to Little Fink. It appears that I am the only one that can see these items once they have left the hand of their owner.

PS - To all the army bods looking for spies, I am obviously a great candidate for enemy spotting as I have this uncanny ability to see things others can not. Call me.

The Wash Cloth - A Joke

This was sent to me via email - I liked it because I could imagine it happening to me!
I reiterate - this did not happen to me!!

The Wash Cloth

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.
The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.
I was a little surprised when the doctor said,
'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal ... Some shopping, cleaning, and cooking.
After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my washcloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied,

'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'

Never going back to that doctor. Ever.

Bunny Buddies

I have been reading up on how to keep a happy bunny. As you may know, we acquired a big black rabbit from Freecycle in Nov 2006. We were allowed, by Mr Fink, to have a rabbit one one condition - that it was not kept in a cage - Mr Fink does not like animals in cages.

So Mr Chips, the big black bunny lives his life freerange on our garden. He has eaten all the flowers and manages to keep the lawn grass short (but not under the climbing frame for some reason??).

According to the Rabbit Welfare Society, one of the most important things a rabbit needs for his wellbeing and mental health is a companion. Rabbits are social creatures and not made for solitude. Many people put a guinea pig with a bunny for company but this is not idea for reasons of health (guinea pigs need daily vitimin C, rabbits do not) and safety - the bunny might just get 'too friendly' with the guinea pig and do it an injury. So, being a responsible bunny owner, I have been reading up on what I need to do to get Mr Chips a pal.

According to the leaflet - and this is all true - the bunnies need to be neutered and to meet on neutral ground, the leaflet suggests placing both rabbits in a confined space which has neither rabbits smell on. They suggest the bathtub. (the regular followers of this blog will remember - as will BigMac! that we had the bath removed last Summer). They also suggest that when the bunnies are used to each others company, to get them to bond, they should be placed together in a situation of mild peril! The leaflet suggest placing both rabbits in a carrier and taking them for a drive in the car. The unfamiliar surrounds, noise and motion will encourage the rabbits to huddle together for mutual comfort and bond as buddies for ever. Imagine the scene, me driving round in a bright green car, rabbits in a box in the back, stopped by the Police, "Good Evening madam, might I enquire as to your business being out on a night like this?". I can see him getting the straight jacket out of the car as I reply, "Do you mind officer, I'm in the middle of the delicate process of 'bunny-bonding."

The officer will say, "I thought she made a New Year's resolution to be more sensible this year." As they lock me up and throw away the key.

Oh YUCK, that's disgusting.

What is the most efficient way to wake me up and get me out of bed in the morning.

I didn't know this until this morning at 6.30am. The alarm had gone off for the first time, I reached my leg over the cover to cool down a bit. It slowly dawned on me that I had a cold, wet big toe??? My brain put two and two together and went from asleep...to "OH YUCK that is disgusting" in 0.4 seconds. I realised that earlier in the night, the cat must have been sick on the cover and I had put my foot in it. I hopped to the bathroom (didn't want to get furball on the floor as well!) and washed my foot, cleared up the mess and got back into bed. Mr Fink just pretended he hadn't noticed. (I bet he knew hours ago but just waited for me to discover it and clean it up!)

Ah well, my 3 weeks off work is nearly over, it is so hard to go back after time off. I've just checked the calendar and it would appear, because of school holidays, I don't work a full month again until September - how cool is that!

Also, I have found a groovy website "GeoCache". It's a treasure hunt type of thing, members hide a tupperware box full of trinkets and a log book somewhere, post the coordinates on the internet and you can go and find it (I get to play with my Sat Nav too!). You can swap a trinket, sign the log book and put the cache back. You can then record your find on the website. We had a quick look for one in the Car Park at Dymchurch but I didn't find it (time was tight). There is one close to where I live so, when the weather fairs up a bit, I'll be mooching about in the hedgerows looking for tupperware!

LIVE 07, Festival of Scouting

On Saturday I took Little Fink, Master and Miss Glum and J to the Dome for the Festival of Scouting, the culmination of the Centenary of Scouting. It was a 3 hour exhibition of the innovation and myriad skills of the young people that make up the Scouting community.

On a lighter note - it was 15,000 people involved in Scouting, enjoying a whole evening's entertainment. Brilliant.

The children were well behaved (and a joy to be with) and just as well, I was terrified of loosing them. As we approached the Dome on foot and stood marvelling at the Dome and it's surrounding sculptures, Little Fink piped up, "We've lost J, he's gone"

Argh, we hadn't even gone inside yet. I looked round in the low key panic mode us mum's go into. After 30 agonising seconds Little Fink said, "Ha ha got you, he's here really". he had been hiding behind me the whole time.

I calmly (I thought - considering) asked them to look at my face and tell me if I looked like I thought it was a good joke. We all agreed not to play that little joke again!

The place was packed solid, we moved along in a hand holding chain and checked out the ground floor, after a while we needed to find a toilet before the show.

There is only one set of toilets on the main ground floor of the Dome! The queue was back out onto the main corridor. Again the feelings of minor panic were setting in. The kids have to sit for 3 hours, they need to go to the loo before we go in. The worst case scenario was we would have to take them outside and go al fresco but the fight to get through the crowds made this idea seems almost impossible too. Mrs Coulthard said, "I just heard someone say there are toilets in the cinema". We rounded up the troops (3 women and 6 children) and legged it up the stairs. We asked the man on the door, could the children go to the loo. "No, we had hundreds of people in here this morning trying to use the toilets, I'm not starting it this afternoon".

I begged and pleaded with him just to let the children through and when that didn't work I asked if the manager could come down. When he arrived I stated my case again. I couldn't see a was of getting this problem sorted out and my voice started to crack with emotion/panic.

The manager must have thought I was going to cry or something so he let us through, on the proviso that we didn't tell anyone we had been allowed through! The things we do for our children?

You couldn't make it up!

A couple of weeks ago I invited my friend (BigMac - she used to eat 2-3 at a time when we worked together) and her daughter (AbuDhabi) to come over for a meal out. While Mr Fink was getting ready, she and I were enjoying a cup of tea. I said, "Have you seen the bathroom since we had the bath taken out? It looks huge now, so much more storage space." She said, "Ooh I'd like to see that" and legged it up the stairs, threw open the door....only to find Mr Fink sitting on the toilet with his pants round his ankles. He screamed, she screamed, well it all sort of went downhill from there.

Today my boss was in the office all day, which isn't a problem he just gives me lots of things to do all at once. "Mrs Fink, can you print this off...can you photocopy this....can you transcribe this tape....how many annual leave days have I got left etc. etc.?" I end up with about 40 applications open all at the same time and the computer falls over and dies a lingering death. It was like this today and I couldn't focus on what to do next, anyway the phone rang and my hand picked it up before I put my brain in gear. So I'm sitting with a phone at my ear and I just couldn't think of what to say, so I said, ".....I can't remember who I am...." Gales of laughter from the other end of the phone. Sometimes a really good laugh is the only way to clear your mind!