Use the door next time?

Shouty Grandad noticed an advert in the paper. Free loft insulation. He invited the chap round to do a survey and a couple of days later the gang came round to fit the fibreglass insulation.
The lads commented on how lovely and roomy the loft was, how nicely Shouty Grandad had moved all the boxes into the middle of the loft on the boards. He left them to it, sat down and tried to make the Freeview work....again...after I fixed it. (sigh)
CRUNCH - one of the workmen put his foot through the living room ceiling, right over where Shouty Grandad was sitting. Dust, plaster, artex and fibreglass rained down from the hole.
"You couldn't have picked a worse place to come through." advised Shouty grandad, the largest room and the only one with an artex pattern on the ceiling.
"I'm fine." shouted the workman.
Anyway, they extricated the workman from the ceiling, assessed the damage and called the boss who duly arrived and stared at the hole.
"Doesn't look too bad," said the foreman confidently,"a bit of plaster board, paint and artex, sorted."
"I don't think we'll get the fibreglass out of the carpet or the three piece suite though, do you?" asked Shouty Grandad?
Nanny gave him an old fashioned look and wandered off to get the hoover.
After the workmen had gone, Shouty Grandad phoned me at work to ask if i would look up on the internet, the effect of breathing in fibreglass. I assured him he did not have, nor would be able to claim for asbestosis and went back to work.
You know this story will run and run.

Bargain

Went to visit Nanny and Shouty Grandad this afternoon. Recently they had a small porch and new front door added to their house. The original door is still in situ, it provides good insulation and security. However, when they are tucked up in the front room watching the telly, they can't hear the door knocker.
I knocked and knocked and knocked, no answer. In the end I had to phone them to get them to come open the door. If they don't get a door bell fitted to the external door, I have threatened to poke a stick through the letterbox and press the old doorbell at odd times in the morning.

When I finally got inside, Shouty Grandad relayed his tale of a bargain - he rode the bus twelve miles to the nearest Aldi for their cheap coffee offer. He bought a couple of packets and was very pleased with himself....until he got home and read the packet - it is ground coffee. Dad doesn't own a percolator or cafeterie.

In other news, he is trying to cure a cough he has had for ages, he has this idea that you need to have moisture in centrally heated homes and has always had Betterware water reservoirs hung on the radiators. He felt he needed more moisture while he slept so, while mum was out shopping, he filled a bowl of water with the intention of placing it out of the way on top of the wardrobe. They have 2 wardrobes  with a dressing table in between, he reached up to place the bowl centrally above the dressing table, as he pushed it to the back, near the wall, he found out the joining part of the top of the unit didn't go all the way to the back. As he pushed the bowl back, it tipped and emptied all down the back of the wardrobe. While he was drying the carpet under the wardrobe with the hairdryer, he thought he'd got away with telling anyone about his adventure but luckily for us Nanny arrived home just in time to find Shouty Grandad kneeling on the bedroom floor blow drying the carpet. Perfect.

2012 - Day One in the Fink House

Well happy New Year to you, may health, peace and happiness be your constant companions this year and beyond.
As is our tradition, we teamed up with the Glums and headed to Southend for New Year's Day - fish and chips.
We took Nanny along for good measure, but accidentally forgot Graham (sorry mate, next time, perhaps).

We had fish and chips at a lovely little cafe then went off to the pier for a mile long walk...but the pier cost a pound each so I said, "No, I will not pay!" and voted with my feet!
Nanny and I went off to do some metal detecting (very uneventful) while the others went off to the arcades.
After a while it started to rain so Nanny and I headed back to the car.

All in all a very gentle day with good friends, the perfect start to a new year.

A Peaceful and Happy New Year to you all!

Wow, didn't that come and go fast?

Christmas Eve was spent with The Glums, wonderful food by Mrs Glum, great home movies by Bambi (Mr Glum). the most amazing surprise came when the glums insisted (as they do) that we open each other's gifts on the spot. Mr Fink and I were handed a long package. We looked at each other in puzzlement, this gift was about 2 metres long by half a metre wide???? as we unwrapped it, we realised what it was. (In the blog entry, "you can take the girl out of Colney" - you will remember Mr Fink and I went to a junk emporium, while there we spotted the most beautiful paining of a lady in a red velvet dress reclining, we both fell in love with it but couldn't quite justify spending the money just before Xmas, so reluctantly we left it there. We mentioned this in passing to The Glums' the next day and thought no more of it. The next day Nelly and I went back to the junk shop to get the picture for Mr Fink but it had gone. Doh!) The Glums had visited the shop early the next day and bought it for us. We were speechless, what a lovely gift. Thank you!

On Xmas Day, Mr Fink, Nelly (aka Little Fink) and I spent a wonderful day with my parents, Nanny and Shouty Grandad. Shouty Grandad spent most of the day looking for The Scotch Tape (a cassette of bagpipe music with which he tortures Nelly in the campervan) and for the campervan keys. The sight of him alternately looking worried and then smiling at the annoyance of knowing the keys are in the house but "Where?", was very funny to watch and had me giggling all morning.
In the end the keys were located in one of the many hiding places he has for items of value (you've heard the one about him stashing the holiday money in his going out shoes, forgetting and being crippled all night at a party due to ten pound notes taking him down a few shoe sizes?)
We shared gifts, swapped stories and generally had a lovely morning.
We had the best dinner ever, Heston eat your heart out. Mum, you are the best.
After dinner we played the now traditional round of homemade Deal or no Deal, which can be a bit of a trial unless Shouty Grandad is losing, then it gets really funny. Nelly made a Christmas quiz for us, this year it was boys v girls and nanny and I won! Woo Hoo - we didn't brag tooooooo much.

Mr Fink has made himself a digital jukebox, which he is enjoying playing with. 2 days ago I went to collect a pasta maker from a Freecycler and got a puncture in Mr Fink's car. Yesterday I took Nelly horseriding, Marsha was also there, Marsha's horse reared up and bucked her off. Bambi and I though we were going to have to call an ambulance for her but after a few minutes she seemed ok and has suffered no damage, thankfully. (ALWAYS wear your hat and body protector if you are playing with horses.)

It's now New Year's Eve, I received a phone call this morning from my bank, checking the validity of a purchase I apparently tried to make yesterday, £291 to Emu-Oz's Party Shop in Australia. I agreed with the lady from the bank that it was not me trying to buy £300 worth of party gear just after Xmas, so they declined the transaction and stopped my card. Well done to the bank for monitoring my buying patterns and preventing a fraud I probably wouldn't have picked up till my next pay day.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and our traditional 'fish and chips on the beach' new Year's Day with the Glums, Southend, here we come!

Well, may I wish you all peace and good wishes for the coming year, may it find and leave you in good health, good spirits and with the people you love. xxx

ROFL (Roll On floor Laughing)

I popped round to Shouty Grandad and nanny's house today as Little Fink and I had not seen them for a few weeks.
Shouty Grandad and Nanny have been touring the country in their camper van for the last 3 weeks. Shouty Grandad was regaling us with tales of his bad behaviour/attitude while he was away, Nanny shaking her head knowingly. Stories I shall pass on in due course, of course!

Grandad reminded me of something that happened a few years ago while they were on their travels in the camper with Little Fink. For safety reasons, Little Fink travels in the front, with Grandad driving. Nanny sits on the 'jump seat' - a little single seat behind the front passenger. the trio were heading for the Falkirk wheel in the middle of Scotland, Little Fink was navigating/arguing for/with Shouty Grandad. Shouty Grandad was folling 'brown' information signs, Little Fink had spotted signs for The Wheel, she bet Shouty Grandad a fiver that he was going the wrong way. As she shouted good naturedly, "THAT WAY!", Shouty Grandad hung a left, Nanny shot off the jump seat and landed on the floor of the camper, as she reached out to save herself, she accidentally pushed the button/handle on the cutlery drawer which locks it shut during transit.

When they had stopped fighting over the directions, Little Fink and Shouty Grandad heard the pitiful squeaking coming from the back of the van, they found Nanny, rolling across the carpet with the contents of the knife drawer all around her!

(That was 4 years ago, Little Fink still hasn't had her fiver!"
No relatives were seriously injured during the making of this story.)

Psycho-Billie Rabbit

(this is not my rabbit!)

Today dear friends, I set myself a task. Nanny and I were having a quiet moment in the sun shine in the garden when I had the bright idea that I would brush our rabbit, Billie.

Billie has never been tamed or handled by people. She was found on a lady's doorstep abandoned in a cardboard box. the lady, an experienced rabbit owner could not handle her so she put Billie up for adoption, as luck would have it, I was looking for a friend for my Freecycle bunny, Mr Chips. (A more friendly and loving rabbit you will not find. May he rest in peace.) Billie on the other hand is like a whirling dervish if you try to pick her up. She stamps her feet, lunges forward with claws showing, growls and bares her teeth. the one time I did manage to pick her up, she lifted her back end up over her head and raked me with her powerful back feet.

I took Billie (named after Billie Piper, popular Doctor Who sidekick) home and Mr chips and she fell in love. she, however did not fall in love with us. She's now been with us for 3 years and I have held her only once, a couple of months ago when my rabbit-guru, Agatha, groomed Billie for me.

So today i tricked her into the hutch, picked her up (wearing the thickest jumper i own) and cuddled her close, Nanny got the brush and did the deed. There was fluff EVERYWHERE. I haven't stopped sneezing. Afterwards I tried to make peace with Billie by offering an apple and a cream cracker but she turned her nose up. She did however cave in at the bag full of dandelions a little later.

I surveyed the damage to my skin and Nanny said, "Are you up to date with your tetanus?" cheers mum. I feel lockjaw coming on as I type!

Muvvers' Day

Nanny, Little Fink and Shouty Grandad catching crayfish.

Mothers' Day started with a lovely gift from Little Fink, a little light metal detecting with Nanny on her own exclusive field (it was a Victorian sewage works in 1881!), then all home for shepherd's pie cooked by Little Fink. After dinner we decided to go and walk off our dinner and throw in a bit of crayfish catching. One of my traps went missing last week so I've only been getting 3-4 a day. Nanny and Little Fink took a couple of crab nets (shaped like Supadrug shopping baskets) and a packet of bacon and caught 9 monsters. I with my high tech authorised and approved crayfish trap, caught - zero!

Great fun was had by all and we made it home before the heavens opened! 

Nine crayfish cooked and ready to be peeled, prior to joining their brethren in the freezer - nearly got enough for a feast!

Candles, Traps and the return of the Mercy Dash.

It's a picture taken in my parent's bathroom at the weekend. It's shows a hard skin scraper and a candle.
Nanny (my mum) lives with Shouty Grandad (my dad) so you can imagine I've seen some odd things in their bathroom from time to time! nanny looked at me with a straight face and said, once she'd taken the hard skin off her feet, she rubbed them with a candle which makes them nice and soft. ???? (Well how come she still needs the foot scraper then?)

Little Fink (11 yo daughter) and I replaced the crayfish traps in the local river on Tuesday, we'd tried to get permission to locate them at a more secluded spot but there was no one around to ask so we used our regular place. Wednesday, Nanny and I went to check on them and 1 trap was missing. It looks like the rain had swollen the river causing one trap to move with the water. It appears the anchor string broke and fell in the water allowing the trap to become beached on the shallow gravel. A branch had recently been broken of a nearby tree (just call me Miss Marple) so I surmise that someone took the branch and manoeuvred the trap out of the water and away. . However, the loss of the trap was almost worth it, just to see Nanny knee deep in the river searching for the missing trap wielding an extendible decorating pole with a big hook taped to the end. (3 crayfish in the remaining trap, killed, cooked and frozen)

On Sunday I had arranged to go metal detecting with Nanny, the fields our club has permission to dig on are about an hours drive away. Hold that thought......
Many years ago, I used to share a house with KT, we were young and daft, had parties and loads of fun. We encountered the phenomenon known to us as The Mercy Dash. This was generally accepted to refer to the urgent trip to the toilet required after a night on the beer - if you know what I mean. It's been 13 years since KT and I shared a house and I had forgotten about the fabled Mercy Dash.....until Sunday.
So imagine, if you will, me - we've been walking the fields for an hour, no loos for miles around, then suddenly it's Mercy Dash time. Oh boy did we get home quick! The downside of metal detecting.

8 Crayfish down! Hundreds to go.

Ok, so now I have caught 8 crayfish, eaten 3, 2 frozen ready for a feast and 3 in the freezer awaiting despatch. I'm really looking forward to cooking properly with these, although I have to admit, they do give me the heeby jeebys when they are alive and flapping their tails and claws!

Just spent a lovely afternoon with Shouty grandad and Nanny, rootling through old photos and listening to Shouty Grandad's antics with his recent bed purchase. He's currently waiting for a £50 'goodwill' gesture from the bed guy and 2 new beds to be delivered - Don't ask!

Eye's Right

Mr Fink update. He doesn't have a detached retina, which is good news, they don't have anything they can do to  improve the 'shadowing' he sees which is a shame but hey ho. He's off for another appointment in 6 weeks with a check up in 6 months. (Thank you for everyone's messages of concern.) xxx

Today my mum was asking me if our plumber was CORGI registered as their boiler was playing up (the central heating, not Shouty Grandad!). I said, No he wasn't but I'm sure someone local would be able to service it. Mum, with out batting an eyelid, came back with, "I don't think it needs a service, it needs a complete overall." I kid you not.

In other news, I broke my rule never to attempt cooking anything that doesn't go in the microwave today, I made a banoffe pie. Ginger-nuts on the bottom, evap. milk/butt and sugar caramel on top. I was too impatient to let it cool, took it out of the fridge too early not it looks less like a neat banoffee pie than a spreading banoffee cow-pat. (Tastes great though!)

What ever next?

Nanny and Shouty Grandad were playing with the metal detectors in their back garden. Nanny found a few odds and sods, nails and such. Grandad had a terrific signal and started to dig. when nanny looked out of the window, he had dug a hole about 2 feet square and twice as deep. He found - a 1970's frying pan. (Nanny has chucked it in the bin twice but it may make an appearance in the cupboard if Grandad gets his way!)

Today Shouty Grandad dropped Little Fink off after horse riding. He began to recount his latest tussle with commercial enterprises. He'd spotted an advert for a free copy of Which? magazine which would detail everything you need to know about retirement and pensions. Right up Grandad's street as he is fast approaching the age. He phoned the company who proceeded to try and flog him a 12 month subscription. Grandad started to run out of excuses not to take out the 'tie-in' when out of his mouth came the following. "I don't want the subscription, to be honest, I can't read. I only want the pensions book and my grandaughter has agreed to read it to me." He has no shame. (yes he did get the booklet)

Tis The Season to be Jolly.

Stage 1 - Gather Ye Ingredients, Sloes, Sugar and GIN, lots of GIN

Stage 2. Wash, destalk and despider ye sloes, prick them with ye olde spiky cat brush.

Stage 3. 500mls gin, 400g sloes, 150g sugar, shake shake shake till mid December

Today I have mostly been Christmas (apologies for using the 'C' word in September) shopping with my mum and dad, we went to a local hedgerow and picked about 10kg of sloes. Then I went to the local supermarket and bought 11 x 70cl bottles of gin and a 5kg bag of sugar (and something for dinner! Imagine the funny looks I got on a Sunday afternoon!)

The sloes are now steeping gently in the sugar and gin, by mid December they will flavour and colour the gin, which I will strain and decant into gift bottles for Christmas pressies.

A good day's work. (Any suggestions where I can get cheap or free 500ml glass bottles with lids would be most welcome. The cheapest on the interwebs I've found is £2 each plus postage.

Dig Dig Digaroonie

This weekend, the Fink Family, Mr, Mrs and Little, plus Nanny went off to deepest Oxfordshire (near Wantage) to the Weekend Wanderers Metal Detecting Rally. This was 3 days of metal detecting across 21 fields, evening entertainment (casino, live band, bucking bronco all in the on site barns) and lots of good food and cider.

We met many of the metal detecting buddies I converse with on various detecting forums and gained a lot of knowledge from them. What a smashing bunch of people. I held a 'gold noble' (a gold coin from the 14th century, about the size of a 50p, beautifully ornate and as fresh as the day it was created despite being 700 years old) which the guy in the next pitch to us had found on Saturday, He was interviewed by Dr Alice for Digging For Britain and our rally will be a feature in a December episode.

Nanny and I didn't have any luck at all but Little Fink came up trumps. One of the detectorists from the forum I go on was so impressed by her enthusiasm for history, he gave her one of his metal detectors. So we couldn't be more lucky than that. Little Fink also found a piece of 'worked flint' which would be between 4000 and 2500 years old, Mr Fink found a large folded lead sheet and I found a lead ball (either a weight or a musket ball). Nanny found the biggest horseshoe known to man!

On Friday night we all went to the barn for Westons' cider and to chat to the other rallyists. Later in the evening Little Fink was getting tired so Nanny offered to go back to the tent with her. On the way they visited the portaloo, while Little Fink was in there, a drunk couple were having a domestic nearby, Nanny got nervous and crammed in the portaloo with Little Fink. Just at that moment the guys from the adjacent tent arrived back in their Transit van and accidentally bumped it into the portaloo. Cue screams and panic from inside the plastic toilet! No harm done, thankfully.

All in all we had a brilliant weekend, learned loads and made lots of new friends.

It's a Holi Holiday

This is the sight that greets me most mornings, Billie The Bunny waiting patiently for her treat. Yes, she is sitting on the skateboard. Stuff like this just seems normal here these days!
Well, we're almost packed and ready to go oop North for our week's holiday. Just the final bits and the packed lunch to sort out. We've invited Little Fink's pal Marsha (my surrogate daughter) to join us this year and the highlight of their trip is to go horseriding down the beach at Silecroft on Thursday. Hopefully it won't rain as hard as it did last year, but if it does - so what. We're not camping so I don't really mind! We'll be collecting Little Fink from Nanny and Shouty Grandad half way up the M6. Not at Sandbach services this time though, at a lay by chosen my Shouty Grandad. Why would he choose the layby instead of the services? I don't know, I can only think he is saving diesel and wear and tear on the camper van by avoiding the extra 16 miles, yes 16 miles, to turn the campervan round on the M6. Who knows?
Anyway, Haverigg here we come!

Shouty Grandad V Sainsburys, who would you put your money on?

Shouty Grandad has been at it again. Today we had a gathering of my mum (Nanny), my dad (Shouty Grandad), Astral (my mother in law) and The Silver Surfer (my father in law). We had lovely food (made by Mr Fink) and listened to yarns and tales of Shouty Grandad's adventures.

He told us a few of his classics, The Keys From the Van, Selling Paint to people from Luton and the Money in the Shoe ones to name a few. I mentioned that I wouldn't be surprised if the local shops had his picture up next to the ASBO kids with a warning note next to it saying, "trouble". Then he said with indignation, "I went in Sainsburys the other day and they wouldn't even slice my bread". Cue hilarity all round. Apparently, he went to the supermarket to buy his usual 1000g uncut loaf which he always gets them to slice for him. This time however, when he offered it up to the chap on the bread slicer, the chap declined to cut it. The reason? the bread was too big!

Well, Shouty Grandad went into his, "I've been coming here for 20 years and the bread has always fitted before" speech, the manager was called and between them they managed to get the bread sliced. The chap put the bread in a bag and handed it to Shouty Grandad. Shouty Grandad looked at the bread, "Where's the end gone?" Apparently the tiny sliver from the end crust had fallen off the loaf and into the machine, from whence it could not be retrieved.
"I can't buy this bread, it's underweight so IT'S ILLEGAL!!" was Shouty Grandad's parting shot.

I wonder if Sainsbury's have a customer hit list?

At Home Without Little Fink

Well it's Wednesday and we've made contact with Nanny, Shouty Grandad and Little Fink. Little Fink has been for a canter up Silecroft beach and really enjoyed it. she's been to a family party which she and the Grandparents had a great time and today she and Shouty Grandad climbed the fell you see in the background of this picture, Black Combe, 1,969ft high. Nanny didn't go for a climb, she went metal detecting and found several coins on the beach.
For the rest of her holiday she is off to Leeds and to the Peak District (nearly as beautiful as Cumbria!)

Mr Fink and I have been cleaning, clearing and DIYing. Going back to work has been good and I have to say, I much prefer doing a full day rather than 9.30am - 2.30pm. I get so much more done as I don't have to tidy everything away halfway through the day!

Last night I went to my club metal detecting meeting and listed to a guy from the Museum of London give a lecture, afterwards I showed him the Tudor clothes fastener Little Fink found near the Thames, he said we should go down to the museum and show it there too.

The Silver Surfer is off to check out suitable cars to drive Astral round in, at the weekend, with Mr Fink. I shall be relaxing and maybe getting into a little training - I'm considering going in for The Race For Life 5k walk/run/jog in July, all I need now is the borrow of a dog to go walking with.

Easter and Spring cleaning

Well here we are again! Nanny and Shouty Grandad are back from Aus. Grandad suffered a DVT and spent time in hospital - what a shifty way to get a seat upgrade!
I've been studying for my Certificate in Medical Terminology (level 3) and frying my brain with all the Latin and Greek terms! Mr Fink has been working hard at his mum's house laying patios for wheelchair access, sorting out ramps etc. Little Fink has been enjoying her trampolining, Easter Egg hunt with the cubs in the rain and horse riding. Little Fink is currently away with Nanny and Grandad in the camper-van, somewhere in Cumbria - we couldn't get through to them tonight, for the pre-arranged 7pm phone call, Nanny's phone is off. (The first night she went away, we were so busy at home, we didn't remember about the phone call till 10.30pm. Bad parents?)
This weekend we've been tidying the house, getting all those little jobs out of the way. BUT I have had time for the telly. Friday, The Gene Genie was back - why do I find his personality so attractive, the character is basically a racist, misogynistic bully? Don't know, don't care! Then on Saturday - The Doctor was back, the Eleventh Doctor. I'm hooked. I didn't think anyone else could play the role after DT but Matt has got something special and a bit weird going on and I like it. His sidekick is cool too (if a little under-dressed!), can't wait to see what Mr Moffat has instore for us for the rest of the series.

Another busy week for the Finks

Gosh, lots to catch up on. Shouty Grandad and Nanny arrived safely in Australia, dad's leg has swollen a bit, could be fluid, worst case scenario DVT. On Saturday night we had my brothers and sister-in-laws round with their partners for a night of fun and frolic. As they came in Woogie (my brother in law) noticed the 3 piles of various rubble, plasterboard, sanitary porcelain strewn about the garden ready for transfer to the tip. "I like what you've done with the garden." he offered. "Yes," I replied, "it's Neoclassical-gypsy."

Mr Fink's rendition of a monster in Guesstures was a sight to behold as was Hi5's impression of a statue. Class. This Friday we went to Astral and granddad's house to play poker. Astral is doing well, cracking sense of humour and still has a lovely bright smile and twinkling eyes. I won the first game and Grandad and I shared the second. Good fun all round.

Saturday we had the Glums round for food and games. The children were in a funny old mood and the game never really got going, we enjoyed our dinner and has a lovely chat, we were even joined by Percy (Thrower - expert gardener) from next door and we listened while he remembered his childhood and how bombs destined for the local munitions factory, in the 2nd world war landed on his house. Interesting stuff and lovely to hear Percy tell it with such clarity.

Last week I was looking to join a new metal detecting club, I sent an email to the membership coordinator asking,

"I'm interested in joining your club and I'd also like to know the general areas you manage to dog in. I'm hoping they are close-ish to my home in ...."

Oops! I meant DIG, not DOG! Doh

Shouty Grandad and Nanny are currently in the air, probably somewhere over Saudi Arabia at the moment en route to Perth and Fremantle.

Mr Fink took them to Heathrow airport this morning at 7am for an 11am flight. At 8.30am I received a phone call from Uncle Stan in Fremantle, Nanny and Shouty Grandad are going to be staying with him and his wife, Shouty Grandad's sister, he had just returned from Perth airport to tell me mum and dad were not on the flight?

I had to report that they had not taken off from Heathrow yet and wouldn't arrive until tomorrow! OOps!

Bargain Hunter

This evening Nanny and Shouty Grandad brought Little Fink back from horse riding and stayed for a bit of dinner. Afterwards we checked the interwebs for information relating to their forthcoming trip to Australia to see his sister and her family.

We discussed baggage allowances, liquid allowances (yes, 100mls IS that small) and airplane legroom.

If you've read any of Shouty Grandad's adventures, you'll know he like to get something for nothing and when I mentioned to him the fabled 'free upgrade' his eyes lit up and a quest has begun. He has read all the hints and tips on how to make yourself the ideal candidate for a free seat upgrade.

Watch this space. 21 days and counting!

(I've asked Nanny to keep a diary for me!)