ROFL (Roll On floor Laughing)

I popped round to Shouty Grandad and nanny's house today as Little Fink and I had not seen them for a few weeks.
Shouty Grandad and Nanny have been touring the country in their camper van for the last 3 weeks. Shouty Grandad was regaling us with tales of his bad behaviour/attitude while he was away, Nanny shaking her head knowingly. Stories I shall pass on in due course, of course!

Grandad reminded me of something that happened a few years ago while they were on their travels in the camper with Little Fink. For safety reasons, Little Fink travels in the front, with Grandad driving. Nanny sits on the 'jump seat' - a little single seat behind the front passenger. the trio were heading for the Falkirk wheel in the middle of Scotland, Little Fink was navigating/arguing for/with Shouty Grandad. Shouty Grandad was folling 'brown' information signs, Little Fink had spotted signs for The Wheel, she bet Shouty Grandad a fiver that he was going the wrong way. As she shouted good naturedly, "THAT WAY!", Shouty Grandad hung a left, Nanny shot off the jump seat and landed on the floor of the camper, as she reached out to save herself, she accidentally pushed the button/handle on the cutlery drawer which locks it shut during transit.

When they had stopped fighting over the directions, Little Fink and Shouty Grandad heard the pitiful squeaking coming from the back of the van, they found Nanny, rolling across the carpet with the contents of the knife drawer all around her!

(That was 4 years ago, Little Fink still hasn't had her fiver!"
No relatives were seriously injured during the making of this story.)

My baby's back

Little Fink is back from Scout camp. It always strikes me how grown up she is when she returns. Lots of wonderful camp stories of her with her friends, hiding bedrolls, getting battle scars, having police motorcyclists out on alert searching for them when they got lost on a bike ride (Sooooo glad I didn't know about that one till she got home), visiting theme parks, the railway museum "Don't talk to me about that!". The junk she's eaten, "I think I've had cake EVERY single day". The viking longboat Debbie spent 72 hours painting - she didn't realise it was to be the finale of the Viking battle and Ragnar The Red's final resting place - yes, they set it on fire - oh how scouts love fire! The friendships, talks and experiences.

What wonderful memories she'll have.

Am I jealous? No, because I have all my own memories from the camps I went on as a child.

Catch Up

Well, what a busy few weeks.
First up - The Further Adventures Of Shouty Grandad. Every week, three times a week, Shouty grandad goes swimming. Last week he received a verbal warning. "What for?" I hear you cry. Splashing the Lifeguard. I kid you not. Grandad's response was to go and see the manager and tell him the lifeguard should be sacked on the spot. Needless to say the lifeguard is still there (and a little dryer as Grandad has gone on holiday!)

We've been mudlarking again, didn't find anything of note but nanny really enjoyed it. We've enjoyed a great couple of nights out with Silver Surfer and Astral. Once to see Pam Ayres - very funny lady, and once to see Elvis - brilliant. We've celebrated George's 18th birthday - doesn't time fly and it was lovely to catch up with some family I don't get to see half as often as I would like.
Yesterday we saw Little Fink and J1 off to Cub Scout Camp to Blackburn in Lancs. for the week.(see pic above). there were 8 minibuses, 2 lorries and a couple of vans in the convoy. they have masses of activities planned and their progress and daily podcasts can be followed at http://www.leverstockgreenscouts.org.uk/.

Right, I'm off to enjoy the peace and quiet before Mr Fink gets back from golf....it's a hard life!

Shouty Grandad back on form

After Shouty Grandad's little brush with the Australian Medical system (they have rebuilt him) he has returned from a camper-van holiday oop North along with (long suffering) Nanny and Little Fink.
You might think 2 weeks in a VW camper would be a long time with someone like Shouty Grandad and most of the time you'd be right - until you take a peek inside the inner workings of his mind.
While in Cumbria, he, Nanny and Little Fink attended a family party. Best togs on, shiny shoes and a wash and brush up and off they went. Shouty Grandad enjoyed the party and meeting up with relatives all but for one slight problem, his shoes gave him terrible gyp all night, squeezing and pinching his toes. He drank on through the pain and come the morning and time to put everything away, he checked his shoes. As he put his hand in to feel the inner sole, he realised what had been causing him such discomfort - he remembered, he sometimes hides money in his shoes for security while on the move in the camper. The fool had forgotten to take it out before going to the party. DOH!
Never a dull moment etc etc.

So True

Little Fink is away in the camper van with Nanny and Shouty Grandad this week and I've really been missing her. Every night we make phone contact (signal permitting) and last night we spoke and were regaled with tales of being chased by geese (Grandad), sending messages in bottles - but making sure not to be spotted by the nearby fishermen who might not appreciate it! and also of Shouty Grandad's little known super power. He has the power to turn invisible at will. Little Fink was all too aware of this at their local supermarket, while she and Nanny queued up at the tills, Grandad went off to collect an item they had forgotten and promptly disappeared. Nanny was getting nervous as, like The Queen, she never carries money, she would be embarrassed when the shopping was all put through and she couldn't pay. A search of the shop was made to no avail. Eventually, Shouty Grandad re-materialised, along with another random male who was also being waited for by a nearby family. Is this ability men acquire when they get older? Little Fink's solution to the problem was thus. "You know you have creches where you can leave your children while you go shopping and you know they are safe, they should have them for Grandads." How true!

Doctor Who returns and so does my cold

Saturday 11th April - put the date in your diary, set your Sky+ and sit back and drink in Dishy Dave. I can't wait!

Anyway, back to more mundane things. Mr Fink kindly shared the briefest most unpleasant cold I've had in ages - thank you. I bought a steamer chair from Ebay ready for the Summer - it better not rain and the rabbits better not chew it.

It's the Easter hols, the children have 2 weeks off school, Little Fink is spending most of it in the camper van with Nanny and Shouty Grandad in Ironbridge and Tewkesbury. I shall be mostly...working, waiting for the dishwasher guy and taking rabbits to the vet. Mr Chips has had lumps and bumps on him for as long as we've had him. Unfortunately, one of the bumps has a nasty crusty appearance so off to the vet he goes. The anti-social anti-christ rabbit, Billie, is as fit as a fiddle but she must go too, to have her flystrike preventative treatment and to have a fur-matt removed from her bib before any nasties get into it. I feel sorry for the vet already - the rabbit is a maniac.

Half Term in the Western Lakes of Cumbria

Wastwater looking towards Wasdale Head with Yewbarrow, Great Gable and Lingmell (Sca Fell and Sca Fell Pike are hidden behind Lingmell).

What a week! Let's go away for half term I said. What about Cumbria Big Mac said. I've got a caravan you can stay in, Aunty Joan said. And so begins such adventures! You've got to be spontaneous - otherwise what is the point?

Saturday

Little Fink and I wave bye bye to Mr Fink and pick up Big Mac (watch this space for a name update in the future?!) and AbuDhabi, along with the fourteen blankets, twelve bags and assorted Tupperware. We head North through broken bridges on the M6 and terrible rain, the like of which I haven't seen in years. Big Mac and I play a modified version of the Yellow Car Game (due to my 'flu jab', I can't be punched all the way to Cumbria!). Every time a yellow car comes into view, Big Mac and I squawk, "KA" in the stylee of Micheal Palin's 'Ken' in a "Fish Called Wanda" with his hands tied and chips up his nose. The standing water on the motorway was dreadful and the rain and spray was everywhere. We made it off the M6 (J36) onto the A590. the rain was still bombing down and the wind must have been gale force (found out later that it was the worst October weather in living memory. 1000 fell runners and hikers were starting a 2-day, 2-marathon hike across the fells as we were travelling, 700 of them went missing on the fells overnight due to the terrible weather). As we passed the Lakeland and Haverthwaite Railway, there is a short length of dual carriage way, I got into position to overtake a slower moving vehicle and started to accelerate past. (Big Mac was texting on her phone) BLAM I hit a massive puddle of water, it hit the windscreen and made the wipers stand still. Big Mac looked up from her phone, saw a wall of water only previously seen on the log flume at Chessington and swore. (Boy, can she swear). It seemed like 2-3 minutes before the wipers kicked in and we realised we weren't dead. Everything was where it was before we hit the water and life continued. Big Mac was a little shaken but only for a short time. We arrived in Haverigg about 6 hours (280 miles) after we set off. We saw Aunty Joan (static caravan owner) and Aunty Mary and various other Fink rellies. We settled in and I buggered off to a family party that was being held in the next village. the weather was still totally terrible and I stayed till 11.30pm - my dad (shouty granddad) was there and was very embarrassed to buy me a drink when I kept asking for a mug of tea!

Sunday

Went out for a bit of an explore, the rain had stopped but the wind was unbelievable, so strong. We walked along Haverigg beach towards Silecroft, it felt wonderful to be out in the sea air, we saw some cocklers then went for a walk along the sea wall. We got about a third of the way along then the kids moaned like hell so we came back! After lunch we drove out to Silecroft beach, just up the coast. The wind was so strong that it could turn your eyelids inside out! We got there just in time to see shire horses and Clydesdales being ridden through the surf and up the beach towards us. I was beside myself - so powerful - so majestic. Beautiful. Against the backdrop of the fells they looked stunning. (brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat.)

Monday

We went to Wastwater. Oh wow, how beautiful. So many colours. After numerous photos we drove to the end of the lake, stopping only for Big Mac to harangue a local National Trust chap to find out where he had hidden Sca Fell and Sca Fell Pike, we popped into the Wasdale Head Inn, home of the 'Biggest Liar' competition. Wasdale is known for "The highest mountain, (Sca Fell Pike), the deepest lake, (Wastwater), the smallest church, (St Olaf's at the foot of the fell) and the biggest liar (competition at the pub). after our repast we went for a walk, we were looking for a waterfall for Big Mac to photograph. We made our way through a farm and over some boggy ground towards a raging river (Lingmell Beck). As we approached the bridge, Big Mac said, "Oh dear, that sheep appears to be caught in the fence." Famous last words. Understatement of the year.

I looked up the steep fell and saw in the distance a greyish white blog standing close to a wire fence half-way up a mountain. "It will be fine, come on, let's find this waterfall." I said.

"We can't leave it up there, I'll phone the farmer." Anyway. We have the two things you need to alert the farmer that his sheep is stuck, the number and a signal, so up the fell we went.

We asked the children to wait at the bottom, in case the sheep was in a bad way and it upset them. (No matter that it was upsetting me though!) We got up there on adrenaline. I broke 2 nails just trying to push the sheep back up the fell to relieve the pressure on it's garroted leg. It had tried to jump the wire fence and it's back leg had caught the top wire, twisted it over the top with it's hoof and become snared. The harder it pulled, the faster it was caught. Big Mac and I swapped places, she pushed (it was like having a baby all over again) and I squeezed the wire. Eventually she pushed it's hoof through the wire and it was free. we let it go and it hobbled across the fell on three legs. I recon it must have had the worst case of pins and needles in the world! Anyhoo, we named the ungrateful sheep Nelson (in honour of Nelson Mandela who was also freed) and addressed the fright of just how high and steep we were. The kids were obviously concerned for our welfare as they 'spelunked' rocks into the river with worry! NOT. We made it down slowly and without incident. We continued out search for the waterfall - found it! and headed back. then I slipped on a rock and fell in a bog. Bugger. Sore right shin, no permanent damage - that will bruise up nicely and I'll have a war wound to show - i thought).

Tuesday

Big mac and i woke with matching aches and pains, damn you Nelson!

I smelled a funny smell in the sitting room area and realised the rug had travelled too near the gas fire. Big mac and I pulled it back. I checked the hot bit of the rug for damage....then ran into the kitchen screaming...the carpet had melted onto my fingers. what a way to wake up. No lasting damage, thankfully. (still no bruise on my leg either). We went up Corney Fell to see Nanny (metal detecting) and Shouty Granddad (digging holes) at Aunty Una's house. we also saw Aunty Hannah (collecting twigs for a Halloween broomstick) while we were there!

Later we walked along Haverigg beach to watch the sunset, then Big Mac realised we were standing on a dark beach at night, with no torches! Doh.

Wednesday

We visited the Ravenglass narrow gauge railway also know locally as Lal Ratty, which runs to Eskdale. We then decided to head to Coniston. the most direct route would have been over Hardknott Pass and Wrynose Pass (the steepest roads in Britain) which I declined to travel due to lack of fuel, freezing temperatures and mist on the fells. We took the A roads and arrived in one piece. Consiton was beautiful, shame it was a little misty and wet. We checked out Hawkshead and Tarn Haws - again beautiful colours.

Thursday

We tidied up the van, had a mooch round Millom and looked forward to coming home to our loved ones who had been enjoying snow while we were away!

Friday

We drove home via the butchers at Bootle (Big Mac bought 5 feet of sausage) and the pie shop at Millom (I bought 4 meat and tater pies YUM). It took about 7 hours and we were shattered!

A brilliant time had by all with lots of adventures. Thank you Big Mac, AbuDhabi and Little Fink - I had a ball.

Whirlwind

Rowan Atkinson in a sketch from The Secret Policeman's Ball where he and Peter Cook are doomsdayers discussing the end of the world. Rowan says, "Will this wind, be so mighty, as to lay low, the mountains of the earth? (All will become clear as to why this is relevant in a mo!)

Alright campers, all back on Terra firma. The Fink family had a great time with great friends. The weather was patchy, ranging from beautiful sunshine (4 days in total) to gale force storms (5 days and nights one after the other!), the rest was grey and overcast. The winds were so mighty as to lay low a lot of the tents and awnings. Many campers packed up and went home but our little group battled it out with the help of industrial size tent pegs and the Glums' awning (we sheltered in there for warmth and company during the worst of the weather).

Dorset was beautiful, lovely sunsets and big skies. Weymouth beach as always a pleasure. Mr Glum earned a new nickname from Ched and Doris, he is forthwith to be known as "Bambi", because he is long legged and accident prone, like the young Bambi - very apt. The Big yellow Bambiboat made its inaugural sailing at Weymouth, which was great because Mr Fink and I didn't think it was going to arrive at all on the top of the Glumbus, secured to an inflateable roof rack (I kid you not). You should have seen the Glumbus going down the road at 50mph with a 15ft inflateable yellow canoe strapped to the top of it! So funny. We all had a turn in the Bambiboat and it was good fun, especially when ALL six of the children got in!

The children where a delight and so funny, well behaved (in the main) but terrible at washing up! I have a terrific video, which I will treasure, of Stinky wrestling with her brother Slash on the ground, when I ask her what she is doing, she looks up in mid scramble and says, "I'm trying to kiss my big brother." He howls, claims to need the toilet and runs off. In the next film, Little Fink is wrestling Bambino (Son of Bambi, aka Goober), I ask her what she is doing, she replies, "Trying to kiss Marsha's big brother!" She fails and resorts to giving him a noogie instead!

LMI's mum and dad - Pisky (she is Cornish and looks like a Pixie) and Homer were good fun and helpful too, when Doris's tent canopy needed zipping up she needed someone really tall to help, Bambi wasn't available so Mr Fink and Pisky joined forces and with her on his shoulders, reached up and did up the zip! Mad. Homer and Mr fink went on a 9am bike ride to Abbotsbury that wiped them out for a good couple of hours after. They vowed to go again the next day but chickened out when the time came, claiming sore botties!

Big Mac and Abu Dhabi were great fun too, Big Mac kept Mr Fink entertained on trips to Lulworth and Chesil Beach, she is so funny, had me in hysterics more than once! Especially with her shrimp impression! You go girl!

The campsite was lovely, well kept, clean and tidy. When the winds were at their worst, the staff were patrolling the fields and fixing or tying down damaged tents while the owners were away, so caring - All hail the staff at East Fleet Farm Touring Park, 10/10 from The Fink. Might see you next year!

Hooray, Hooray, its a holi holi day

I am writing this with 20 hours to go until we set off to holiday, when you read this, we should be on our way or there! Joining us on our camping trip to Weymouth are,

LMI and her parents and 2 dogs Bart and Izzy;
Ched, Doris and my niece and nephew Slash and Stinky;
Mr & Mrs Glum, Marsha, Goober and Pongo.
Abu Dhabi and BigMac.

Many moons ago when Mr Fink bought his new car, he promised me faithfully that all the gear would fit into it, last night as we started to pile the kit up in the dining room at Fink Manor he started to look a bit shifty and scared. The morning will tell.

Fingers Crossed

This is Billie, say hello to Billie, she was left in a box on a rabbit owners doorstep in a nearby town. Billie will be coming to join the Fink family after our holiday. I'll be trying to introduce her to Mr Chips over the 3 weeks of the Summer Hols. "How did this come about?" I hear you ask.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeell. As you know, after the Blue Cross fiasco of finding a friend for Mr Chips I kept looking through the Tinternet and came across Agatha's Annex. A lady who lives not far from me who has been rescuing rabbits for a number of years. I contacted her, visited her and had a lovely afternoon surrounded by bunnies and guinea pigs. Agatha even showed me how to groom Mr Chips. what a lovely lady (and her hubby too!). Unfortunately circumstances were such that there mere no suitable companions available for Mr Chips there.

The next evening as i was doing my usual 'bum-check' on RabbitFink, I found fly eggs, the first stage of Flystrike' which is a serious/fatal disease for rabbits, where a fly is attracted to a rabbit because it is dirty for whatever reason and lays its eggs on the rabbit, near its behind, after as little as 12 hours, the eggs hatch and the infant maggots start eating the rabbit. Needless to say it is a distressing and terrible death for a rabbit. I have always prided myself on the fact that my rabbit was clean and well cared for, so it just goes to show, it can happen to anyone. With the help of Mr Fink, I removed all the eggs, cutting away some of Mr Chips' fur to make sure they were all gone. Mr Fink phoned our vet and was told the fee would be £105 as it was after hours - that was just to open the doors, we would have to pay the consultation fee etc. on top. Well, I was certain Mr Chips was now out of danger, so I left the visit till the morning. the vet kept Mr chips in, shaved his tail and bum (the rabbit's, not the vet's) and painted him with a medicine called, "Rearguard" to protect him from flystrike for the next 8 weeks. All to the tune of £80. Now you know me, I love my animals but why do I always feel ripped off by this Vets? On the itemised bill it showed the medicine cost £15. That's why.

Rant over.

The lady who has Billie contacted Agatha to try and find Billie a home as Billie doesn't get on with her 2 rabbits (they have the most beautiful Beagle there too - i fell in love with him!), so Agatha told me about her.

So cross your fingers that Billie and Mr Chips like each other!!

There will be no posts for 2 weeks as I am on holiday in Weymouth. Do you remember, years ago when the daily newspapers used to offer a £5 prize to anyone who could quote the phrase of the day to Chalky White carrying the newspaper? (The Sun or The Mirror I think). Well, if you spot me, Mrs Fink, in the next 2 weeks, and you say, "My word Mrs Fink, you are looking slim and gorgeous." I will reward you with a big smile and a firm handshake!

No rain dances now - we're camping!

I love Cub Camp

Cub camp was amazing - had a brilliant time. The weather was fantastic and the children were brilliant (mostly!)

The Cubs had a fully packed programme, including, Kayaking, Water zorbing (and there was me thinking it was cruel to put kids into plastic bags, blow them up with industrial hairdryers, zip them up and throw them on the lake?????), raft building, archery, 3d maze (pitch dark tunnels laid out on 4 floors of a shed, wide enough for a 10 year old, one way in - one way out. Apparently better with no torches? EEP), archery, rounders, water pistol fight (the adult leaders 'kidnapped' the sixers, tied them to trees. The Cubs had to get past the leaders and untie their sixer, whilst being fired on with water. The noise was unbelievable), rounders, wide games (a game played over a wide area, designed to get to know the site).

On the first night, the Cubs went to sleep about 1am. I got up at 5.30am to go to the loo and on my way back, found 5 Cubs in their jim jams huddled round the water stand pipe...filling their water pistols!

I helped with the feeding of the five thousand (I never want to see another home made chocolate cake as long as I live! Well, maybe not until next time!) Mr Fink made his debut as a leader, and guided by Baloo, did a sterling job, I think he enjoyed it almost as much as the children did!

We took our tent down during free time on the Sunday. Akela told me that Little Fink returned from kayaking to get changed (she gets changed in our tent to spare the blushes - hers and the 4 boys she was sharing with) she walked almost half way up the field before she realised our tent was missing! Akela let her use his tent instead. when we had the closing ceremony he gave out the lost property, lo and behold a pair of wet Cub shorts was produced - she had left them on the floor of his tent! Oops.

J1 read Doctor Who comics all the way back and Little Fink slept - although she claimed she could not get to sleep! When we got in, she flopped down onto the sofa and slept for a further 2 hours. Woke up, watched Doctor Who, then went to bed!

What a weekend.