Help! I've been hexed.

Saturday morning I was due to collect one of my longest serving friends (Cornish Pisky, and her daughter, LMI) and bring her to my house for lunch and a chin wag. The last time we have arranged to meet, I totally forgot and went shopping instead of picking her up. Oopsie.
So I'm charging round the house trying to get ready and get Little Fink ready. Anyway I'm just about to go out the door when Little Fink announces she needs her shoes........"We are late, hurry up!" i shout. again, just about out of the door and she now needs her socks. AAARGH, the trials of the preteen.
"That's it, I'm going." I head out to the car and drive away.
As I travel, I get 2 text messages, on arrival at Cornish Pisky's house i check the phone, message from Little Fink... "That was a stupid thing to do." The second message, again from her, "I hope you get a speeding ticket."
Bloomin' cheek. So when my friends and I arrived home i told Little Fink I got caught by a speed camera and it was her fault because she hexed me. i explained I would have to swallow the points but she would be ultimately be paying the £60 fine out of the Christmas present money I had set aside for her gift.
Oh yeah - don't mess whit da Mommy!!

(We did laugh about it afterwards.)

Look out Cornwall, here we come

Next week, Big Mac, AbuDhabi, Mr Fink, Little Fink, LMI, Pisky and Mr Pisky will be in Cornwall for our annual week of fun in the sun. Did I say sun? Silly me, last year we had 70mph winds, bent tent poles and abandoned tents all around us.

I've checked the weather report and it says there will be rain and showers with the possibility of GALES.

OH COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK!

Also, I was checking the local news. See the picture, do you know what it is? It's a Portuguese Man Of War. A stinging jellyfish type thing. Some were found 20 miles from where we will be staying, on Monday. Luckily, next week when we are there, it will be so flipping cold, none of will be going any where NEAR the sea!!!

Utterly Surreal

Little Fink invited LMI round for a sleepover last night. What a precocious pair they are. They started off trying to hypnotise each other. They are both 9 years old, how do they know how to hypnotise? they looked it up on the Internet, of course. So I've got Little Fink wandering round the house like a zombie saying hello to the wallpaper, LMI in the dining room taking notes. LMI asked me if I wanted to have a go, I politely declined, knowing my luck she would pull it off and turn me into a chicken or something. Next thing I know, the pair of them are skulking round the house, looking mighty shifty. "What are you up to?" I asked. "We're doing a study of adults and you and Dad are our subjects." Oh brilliant, I'm being psychoanalysed by a pair of 9 year olds now! i noticed that they were leaving small Hannah Montana stickers everywhere they went, on the side board, windowsill, kitchen side, behind the photo frame, loads of them. I picked up 4 from our bedroom and put them in the girls sleeping bags! As they were getting ready for bed I asked them what the stickers were for. "We wanted to see how many you would move." said LMI. You should have seen their faces when they got into bed!

The study wasn't over there. Mr Fink got up at 8am on Sunday to go and play golf. The girls were already up and raring to go. Little Fink bounced onto the bed, "Mum, you have to fill in this questionnaire, Zennor has got one for dad to do." Fill in a questionnaire? At 8am on a Sunday morning? I've barely got my eyes open.

Anyway i drag my interest away from sleep and into the realm of the 9 year old mind and attempt the questions - talk about fuddle your brain...example.

How many floor tiles are there in the kitchen? (independently, Mr Fink and I both put 42! how weird is that?) How many different colours is our fence painted? (I put 4). List the colours on my scooter (light green, dark green, red, white, silver and black - only she wouldn't let me have black as it wasn't on her list!).

Anyway, the upshot of all this research is still unknown as i whipped the girls off down the park as it was such a nice day and they never got to write up their thesis. Another time perhaps.

Is it me or do these things happen to everyone?

Whirlwind

Rowan Atkinson in a sketch from The Secret Policeman's Ball where he and Peter Cook are doomsdayers discussing the end of the world. Rowan says, "Will this wind, be so mighty, as to lay low, the mountains of the earth? (All will become clear as to why this is relevant in a mo!)

Alright campers, all back on Terra firma. The Fink family had a great time with great friends. The weather was patchy, ranging from beautiful sunshine (4 days in total) to gale force storms (5 days and nights one after the other!), the rest was grey and overcast. The winds were so mighty as to lay low a lot of the tents and awnings. Many campers packed up and went home but our little group battled it out with the help of industrial size tent pegs and the Glums' awning (we sheltered in there for warmth and company during the worst of the weather).

Dorset was beautiful, lovely sunsets and big skies. Weymouth beach as always a pleasure. Mr Glum earned a new nickname from Ched and Doris, he is forthwith to be known as "Bambi", because he is long legged and accident prone, like the young Bambi - very apt. The Big yellow Bambiboat made its inaugural sailing at Weymouth, which was great because Mr Fink and I didn't think it was going to arrive at all on the top of the Glumbus, secured to an inflateable roof rack (I kid you not). You should have seen the Glumbus going down the road at 50mph with a 15ft inflateable yellow canoe strapped to the top of it! So funny. We all had a turn in the Bambiboat and it was good fun, especially when ALL six of the children got in!

The children where a delight and so funny, well behaved (in the main) but terrible at washing up! I have a terrific video, which I will treasure, of Stinky wrestling with her brother Slash on the ground, when I ask her what she is doing, she looks up in mid scramble and says, "I'm trying to kiss my big brother." He howls, claims to need the toilet and runs off. In the next film, Little Fink is wrestling Bambino (Son of Bambi, aka Goober), I ask her what she is doing, she replies, "Trying to kiss Marsha's big brother!" She fails and resorts to giving him a noogie instead!

LMI's mum and dad - Pisky (she is Cornish and looks like a Pixie) and Homer were good fun and helpful too, when Doris's tent canopy needed zipping up she needed someone really tall to help, Bambi wasn't available so Mr Fink and Pisky joined forces and with her on his shoulders, reached up and did up the zip! Mad. Homer and Mr fink went on a 9am bike ride to Abbotsbury that wiped them out for a good couple of hours after. They vowed to go again the next day but chickened out when the time came, claiming sore botties!

Big Mac and Abu Dhabi were great fun too, Big Mac kept Mr Fink entertained on trips to Lulworth and Chesil Beach, she is so funny, had me in hysterics more than once! Especially with her shrimp impression! You go girl!

The campsite was lovely, well kept, clean and tidy. When the winds were at their worst, the staff were patrolling the fields and fixing or tying down damaged tents while the owners were away, so caring - All hail the staff at East Fleet Farm Touring Park, 10/10 from The Fink. Might see you next year!

Hooray, Hooray, its a holi holi day

I am writing this with 20 hours to go until we set off to holiday, when you read this, we should be on our way or there! Joining us on our camping trip to Weymouth are,

LMI and her parents and 2 dogs Bart and Izzy;
Ched, Doris and my niece and nephew Slash and Stinky;
Mr & Mrs Glum, Marsha, Goober and Pongo.
Abu Dhabi and BigMac.

Many moons ago when Mr Fink bought his new car, he promised me faithfully that all the gear would fit into it, last night as we started to pile the kit up in the dining room at Fink Manor he started to look a bit shifty and scared. The morning will tell.

The Results of the Indoor Olympics

I knew there was going to be trouble for me last night when Little Fink and LMI were preparing for their sleepover and told me I had to come down in the morning with a white T-shirt and white socks, ready for their 'Indoor Olympics'.

Anywhoo, I was rudely awakened at 9am with a cup of tea and a request to hurry up as it was starting. First we had to pick straws for a bye, to play the winner in the final. Then we played several Wii games, of which I was hopeless all the way through. Little Fink beat me hands down at tennis and LMI nearly burst a blood vessel trying to do the boxing - I had to call it a day on them to save the furniture from damage!

The final results were, Little Fink and LMI joint first and awarded the kimono of righteousness and the baseball cap of winningness. I came third as was awarded the bronze (plastic) cricket bat of failure. (to my shame.)

In the afternoon, I, Little Fink, LMI, Marsha and Goober went to the cinema to see WALL:E. I really enjoyed it but felt there could have been more visual gags and a bit less story. Hey ho.
Now I'm looking forward to Madagascar 2 and Hellboy 2.

"Cry 'God' for Harry, England and Saint George"

On Saturday we went to Wrest Park in Bedfordshire to enjoy the St Georges Day pageant. What a lovely place and beautiful gardens. The pageant was great, celebrating all things English. There were people dressed in medieval costume, Victorians, fire-eaters, jesters, St George in shining armour (what a dishy guy), Lancers, Redcoats, circus training and stalls selling everything from gemstones to furs. We took Little Fink's pal LMI with us and they couldn't tear themselves away from the circus skills arena. Little Fink learned to walk on stilts and LMI loved moving around on the little clown wheels. Mr Fink had a go at plate spinning and I got some further instruction on how to toss a Diablo (Google it!). We also enjoyed playing some medieval children's games like quoits, shuffle board and castles. There was a smashing play involving the children telling the story of Nelson and the Battle of Trafalgar. The highlight being the battle of St George and the Dragon (the poor chap in the dragon costume could hardly walk - bless him!), St Goerge appeared in his shining steel armour on a dashing white horse - wonderful. The weather could have been kinder but it didn't dampen our spirits. What a lovely way to celebrate the National Day (on Wednesday).

Can't Recomend it Highly Enough

The Roald Dahl Museum and Story Centre. Brilliant. Little Fink and her pal Little Miss Intellectual (elle-em-I) had a marvelous time in a small, well presented, big-themed space. There are 3 main rooms, but we managed to stay entertained and busy for 2 hours, we only left then as we wanted to have a glass fo 'Fizzy Lifting Drink' and a 'Snozzcumber Sandwich' before we left. And there lies my only critisism, why were the 'Twits Cafe' prices so high? Everything else was fantastic, even the staff were a little wacky and enthusiastic. I didn't know much about Roald Dahl before we went there but his life was amazing, from the children he had and lost, to his career as a fighter pilot, at school he was bottom in a class of 13, and one of his sandals was the model for the BFG's footwear! There were also so many interactive things to do to encourage the children to write. And books everywhere, his books, other books, places to sit and read. So well thought out - and wheelchair friendly too. The thing that really touched me was something that Roald (pronounced Roo-ald) wrote at the end of one of his book, which sums up how I try to be with Little Fink and all her little mates....

A Message To Children Who Have Read This Book.

When you grow up and have children of your own, do please remember something important :
A parent should be sparky.
It does not matter one bit whether you live in a caravan or a castle. What does matter is that you become a father or a mother who makes exciting things happen around your children, and who do exciting things with them, and who lead them into splendid adventures.

Roald Dahl

The odd thing was (and you knew it was coming) as we walked back to the car, the girls skipping along in the drizzle, we passed by a house where the front door was open. In the doorway, I kid you not, was an elderly man holding a puppet chimpanzee, pretending it was chatting to him - all in complete silence. Mr Fink said to the gilr's, "I wonder what the monkey's name is, shall I ask him?" then thought better of it and ushered us all swiftly round to the car!! Weird.