a joke

A knight in a besieged castle offers to break out and ride for help.
Unfortunately all the horses are dead so the knight suggests riding out on the back of a giant wolfhound.
"You can't," says the lord of the manor. "My wolfhound has a sore leg. The only other dog is this Chihuahua, and I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."

The Silly Season Begins

Long time no post.

On Sunday I left Mr Fink busily putting the camping gear away and playing with his new surround sound system (apologies to the neighbours, it wasn't my idea) and went off with The Glums to their caravan. The caravan lives, for most of the year in a secure depot, nearby. You would have thought we were on holiday, the weather was warm, Mrs Glum and I sitting in camping chairs enjoying cups of tea. Then Marsha and I picked some blackberries, unfortunately not enough for jam as we ate most of what we picked!

On the way home I happened to notice someone had left a life size plastic heron in the field and mentioned it in passing.

Later that evening we were watching Gryff Rees Jones on a program tracing the path of the River Lea through Beds and Herts when he visited Hatfield House where he was looking at an Elizabethan map. The map had a note on it to show where the heronry was. DING. "Mr Fink, do you fancy a game of plant the heron?" After I explained to Mr Fink, we set off to nab the heron. Under cover of darkness we drove to the field, I got out, Graham is so lifelike that in the twilight I thought, "If that thing moves I shall die of fright!"I abducted Graham and jumped back in the car. Next we made our way to Glum Towers. I gained access to the front porch, positioned Graham.....argh, I could hear child's footsteps going up the stairs. I quietly shut the porch, ran to the waiting car, jumped in and drove off, just as Marsha's bedroom light came on.

As we drove home, we were giggling like a pair of fools, congratulating ourselves on a fine bit of silliness. The only question is, will Bambi (Mr Glum) see the funny side or will he in his early morning stupor, fall over him and break his (Bambi's) nose?

Time will tell.

1. Open mouth, 2. Insert foot

Mr Chips and Billie are at the vets, they are being treated to prevent flystrike - a very horrible thing to happen to a rabbit. I check Mr Chips morning and night in the summer. Last year I checked him in the morning, he was fine -in the afternoon, he had fly eggs in the fur round by his bottom. (see "Fingers Crossed" separate blog for the full story). So to prevent all this unpleasentness I put Mr Chips in one box and tricked Billie into the other one. (She has the right name as she was furious to be in the box - Billie Fury???!) She was stamping in the box so hard it shook. i took them to the vet recommended by Agatha (rabbit rescuer) and they (the people at the surgery) were lovely. Mr Chips is to have a lump removed from his side, have a Myxy jab and be treated against flystrike (last year this involved having his bum and tail shaved and goo painted on his bottom - very undignified). Billie will have the Flystrike treatment and have the matted fur on her bib removed - this is from all her digging and having the shortest front legs known to man/rabbit which means she cant clean it properly! They are being kept in overnight so they can have the treatments after Mr Chips' operation.

Mr Fink was talking to his Big Sis on the phone (also a rabbit owner) and describing the flystrike preventative treatment. "The vet shaves their bums and paints it with goo," he explained. "You can get your hubby done for free, Mr Fink is booked in for next week!" I chirped in humorously. (I thought). Big Sis said something to Mr Fink, he relayed, "Do you have the HDVBG (or similar) as well?" I thought we were still talking about hair removal so I said, "What's that? A back, sack and crack wax?" They both heard me and a horrified husband said to his sister, "You're alright, I have to live with her." (She had been talking about another vaccination you can get for rabbits." Oh bruther!

Prawn to be Wild

Have you ever tried to explain to your husband how you play prawn poker over MSN with your friend?

I tried, i failed. Husband now thinks I (and my friend) are deranged. His exact words were, "You need to get some normal friends."

Disease of The Week!

Welcome to the 'Disease of The Week'.

This week I have chosen a disease which has had me chuckling to myself when the rest of my day has been pretty awful.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.....

"Iggy Biggies"

The words are usually accompanied with a tickle under the ear in the neck area, a la...

"Urrrrr, you've got iggy biggies!" poke/tickle.

"Well you've got biddies, eugh!" scratch scratch.

"Well your dad's got a gamy (rhymes with ham-y) leg, so there." (Voice from the kitchen, "Now children stop being silly, there's no such thing as iggy biggies.")

That Pharmacist is a hoot!

Poor Mr Fink, he has hurt his knee at either Hong-Kong-Kung-Fu (Ju-Jitsu) or Squash. Subsequently he is hobbling around and wincing.

I went to the chemists to get him some ibuprofen, the assistant advised me that he should take the pill with food. I commented that I didn't realise I had to feed him as well as buy his medicine. she said, "You could just throw him a biscuit!" This dint arf make me larf!

I'm feeling shattered, I woke up at 4am to the noise of what sounded like a combined harvester coming through the roof. When I got up, it was the Police helicopter hovering over the estate. It had it's search light on, obviously trying to locate a baddie or where one of the coppers had dropped his Happy Meal! When you see the searchlight beaming down through the darkness, you can see where these stories about alien abduction come from! I recon they are taking me in the night, working me like a dog till morning and that is why I'm so tired during the day! Needless to say Rip Van Winkle and Goldilocks slept through the whole thing!

Weather Joke

Bet you can't guess what this bug is called.

Ok the joke - I heard this on the radio today, the DJ was talking to the weathergirl and she said,

"Today will be muggy, tomorrow will be toogy, the next day will be weggie!

HA HA HA

Don Quixote joke

How do you fit 5 donkeys in a fire engine?

2 in the front,

2 in the back,

and one on the top going, "eeeor eeeor eeeor".