Oh mum you are so funny

Mr Fink's mum, Astral, popped in to see us this afternoon. Later on Mr Fink took her back to her sister's house, (Aunty Joanie). A few minutes later my mobile phone rang. It was one of those calls where the other party has accidentally dialled the first person in their contacts list.

I could hear Astral chatting to Auntie Joanie about her day - all nice things of course - so I shouted down the phone, "Astral, you've dialled the phone! Hang up!" I then heard her say, "Joanie, I can hear voices!"

Once she realised we all had a good laugh about her ability to hear voices! Who needs a mobile phone.

It's a good sign

Are you the sort of person who always misses out on 'the deal' but a few minutes? Does the person who bought their raffle ticket just after you win the prize? Well, mostly that is me, but today, my luck changed.

Mr Fink was helping me upgrade my old house brick of a phone. I'd plumped for an LG Viewty as my next mobile and went round all the shops trying to get one on Pay As You Go. None to be had.

We came home, checked the deals on the web and Mr Fink said, check your current provider (Virgin) and see what they do. Well, they did the next model down, the 'Cookie' which was perfect, on the same deal as I use now. Brilliant AND I wont have to muck about porting my number to a new network.

I phoned them, spoke to a chap who sounded Chinese/Dutch who seemed to be telling me I could get this £100 phone for £4.80 - the price of the postage??????? what? Are you mad, what am I missing, where is the catch, tell me again how this works, using words of one syllable. It turns out, over the years of me topping up my PAYG phone with an average of £10 per month, I have earned 'brownie points' with Virgin, that I can use to purchase a new phone. Yippee.

These things NEVER happen to me. Role on the New Year say I.

New Who, Bambi and Truffle Dog

Well, well, well. There you have it, the new Who, not Jeeves as he claimed "I told you, it's me, I've been up all night polishing the TARDIS!". I'll reserve judgement till 2010 although I did think he had a crazy look in his eyes and mad arms.

I'm going to miss David so much, I bet Matt won't be able to make me cry at the end of an episode I've seen a hundred times (Girl in the Fireplace and when Rose is left on Bad Wolf Bay).

Anywhoo! today Mr Fink mostly spent the day at home, trying to breathe, hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon and he can get back to normal. It's been 3-4 weeks since he took ill.

Little Fink and I went for a tramp in the woods (he didn't mind) with most of The Glums. Little Fink, Marsha, Bambino and Bambi (Mr Glum) on their bikes, me following along behind with The Glum's dog, Pongo. Pongo likes to mark every clump of grass, mark on the road and stone with a sniff and a wee. I called him Truffle Dog, which i think he quite liked, although, if he had found one, I wouldn't eat it as he would have wee'd on that too!

As i was walking along I encountered a couple with an Airdale, it had mud all round it's chops and i said, "He looks like he has eaten half the forest!". The owner explained that the airedale likes to carry BIG sticks in it's mouth. He described how the dog will carry a 10 foot stick/branch in it's mouth and 'take out' passing joggers with it as he walks past.

We loaded the bikes, kids and dog into the cars and set off for Mrs Glum's yummy shepherd's pie, as we were travelling along the dark country road, a deer bounded across the road in front of Bambi's car, a stunning sight and a close shave for the deer.

Not more than 50 yards along, I caught sight of a deer in my headlights, lying on the verge at the side of the road, it seemed like it was struggling to stand. I flashed the headlights at Bambi and pulled over, we investigated and as we walked to the deer, it was clear it had been hit by a car and had been left injured and unable to stand. I phoned the police and gave them the story, they said they would send out the deer warden to deal with it.

Little Fink recons that when she grows up, she is going to be a vet and I am going to be an animal rescuer, she said she will even buy me a van to collect the animals in. (She did suggest a push bike but I declined her kind offer)!

Shouty Grandad starts the revolution

You may think Shouty Grandad has been laying low, keeping quiet? No, he is still causing aggro and pain to the general populace, especially those nameless, worker bees that are the front line of our commercial world. Only Shouty Grandad would ask a Sainsbury's shopfloor worker why the bread has gone up 5p in the last week. We all know, these people (and I have served my time as one of them) are not 'in the know' they are the thin blue line that meets the public but has the least information about the service or product.

Pity, then, the cold caller on the phone, probably in Delhi or Calcutta, phoning random English phones until someone, in the middle of The Horse of The Year Show (thank you very much) answers the phone. The legend that is...Shouty Grandad.

The lady from the land to the East is trying to get Shouty Grandad to change his electric and gas supplier to the company that she represents. She tells him how she can match his current supplier's bill and better it (don't forget she is having to repeat everything she says 3 times and at varying speeds as Shouty Grandad can only understand the very Northern and very local accents)! He then launches the fightback, the arsenal of Shouty Grandad, his humongous knowledge of all things financial. He asks her how many therms he gets at the initial price, how many at the second, how does this relate to his current supplier, what discount for cash. etc etc. in the end he blinds her with science. As his parting shot, he says.. "I wouldn't change over my power supplier on the strength of a phone call anyway, I need to sit and work out your prices."

And in her best angry Asian voice, she shouts, "WHAT ARE YOU WASTE MY TIME?!"

Now she knows how it feels. It's a small step Shouty Grandad, but it is the start of the fight back, the revolution!

I'll hex the lot of 'em

Right an update.

Filofax - lost, now found

Christmas cards - half done

Parcel, delivered, disappeared, denied, returned to sender, re posted - watch this space

Credit card - cloned, stopped by bank.

I had a phone call last night from a polite lady purporting to be from my bank's fraud department. She wanted to talk to me about my credit card which ends in 1234.

She wanted to ask me some security questions to make sure I was the card holder. (she phoned me remember) I confirmed my name, address and date of birth (all readily available on the internet). She asked me what the current limit on my overdraft was, I told her I wasn't going to tell her that as I had no proof of who she was. She assured me she was genuine, "I'm C.... and I'm here in Peterborough." I had the devil in me and was out to prove a point, "Yes, and my name is Mickey Mouse and I'm sitting in an igloo at the North Pole. Do you see my point?"

She suggested I phone in on a number she would give me. "But that could just be your friend sitting in the room next door. I know, you tell me what my mother's maiden name is, the Bank knows that." She didn't have access to that information. She suggested I phone the number on the back of my card. Success. i thanked her and rang the number.

Oh how I bet she laughed.

I was transferred at least 6 times....push 1 now....push 4 now...push 3 now, it was like having a baby. I got through to a human who put me through to the fraud department. It rang and rang and rang. I can see them all now, probably 4 in the room, all laughing and pointing at the phone saying, "That will teach you to be smart with us!" anyway they eventually answered the phone and the upshot is, my credit card details have been copied. They have stopped the card, refunded the erroneous amounts and will send me a new card. (I thanked them profusely.)

So, in the run up to Christmas, the busiest 2 weeks of the shopping year, when more money changes hands than at any other time - how long till my new card comes? 10-14 days. argh.

How will it be sent? ROYAL MAIL. NNNNNNNNNNNNNoooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Never to be seen again no doubt. Goodbye cruel world.

On a happier note - Little Fink has had a story published, achieved her yellow belt at Ju-Jitsu and has just spent the 40 minutes before bed making a dodecahedron calendar. Don't ask!

We're all Going on a Summer Hoilday

OK, the lorries are packed, 120 cubs, scouts and adults are gearing up for one more sleep till 'lift off'!

Saturday we are all off to Scout Camp. Little Fink and I will be there but Mr fink is remailing behind on his own to feed animals, work through the list of jobs I've prepared for him. Not to drink cider, play golf and watch zombie films, oh no.

He is dropping us off at 9am on Saturday at the Scout hut.

"Will you miss me?" I asked.

"Not on Saturday, I'm playing golf in the afternoon." Typical.

We almost cancelled the trip, I picked Little Fink up from school and she had two bloodshot eyes with green goo coming out of them. I took her to the chemist, who prescribed hayfever eye drops. Over the early evening her eyes got worse and worse, almost becoming swollen shut. We took her to another chemist who prescribed anti-biotic eye drops. By the time Mr Fink and I went to bed, she was asleep, eyes swollen horribly with hardened green goo trailed across her face. My heart was breaking, I woke her up a bit and cleaned her up.

Mr Fink and I considered A&E but thought we would leave it til morning. When she got up she cleaned her now stuck together lids and as the day progressed, her eyes have got better and better. She has one slightly swollen, totally bloodshot eye (horrid to see) and one that is almost back to normal. Yay we can go to camp.

I shall be off line and incommunicado for the next week - don't think they have tinternet and phone signals in deepest Taunton!

Pray for sun - unwashed damp cubs don't half pong by the third day!

Shouty Grandad Strikes Again

(Ched, you better sit down before you read this!)

Shouty Grandad gets on his bike and cycles to swimming on a Friday, then he goes to the pub for a pint. Last week on his way out of the pub car park he fell off his bike. (Sorry, I checked, there was no CCTV.)

This week, as he was coming home at about 6pm, he cycled almost all the way home without incident, when he came to the pelican crossing. The traffic heading downhill to the roundabout was backed up past the crossing so when the green man flashed, Shouty Grandad started to cross. He walked between the stationary cars and as he was completing his journey across the road he heard a screech of brakes and a van just managed to stop before it hit Grandad's legs.

Grandad told the van driver what he thought of his driving. The van driver told Grandad that he though he was too old to be out this late and to get out of the way or he would wrap the bike round Grandad's neck. Grandad told the van driver, if he touched the bike Grandad would give him what for. Grandad laid the bike down in front of the van so he could take the van registration number. (Bare in mind this is rush hour on a Friday, on an arterial road which leads directly to 2 of the most congested motorways in the country - one of which is undergoing roadworks at the busiest junction on it's length. The traffic is now backed up to the roundabout and beyond.) The driver got out and started to move the bike. Grandad told him to leave it, the van driver threatened to thump Grandad. Grandad told him it would be the last thing he ever did. The man moved the bike so Grandad took the van keys out of the van ignition (much to the surprise of the passenger in the van!)and told the man he was not fit to drive and that Grandad was going to keep the keys. One of the onlookers phoned the police. Grandad grabbed his bike, jumped on it and rode home (van keys in pocket). When he got in the door Nanny knew he had been up to something, he said, "I've still got the keys and I'm not sure what to do". Anyway. He called the police (God knows how they got to the house as the road will have been blocked for miles by now.) they arrived, got the keys and heard the whole story. Apparently the angry van driver had told them that Grandad suffers from Alzheimers! The Policeman asked if dad had any medical problems!

Apart from collapsing with laughter at the actions of a man who should be slowing down and is old enough to know better, it occurred to me that as I went home from their house on Friday night, I must have missed this fracas by seconds. Mum recons Dad turned up only a few minutes after I had left. Imagine if I had left a few minutes later and driven to the end of the road, only to find my father scrapping with a van driver on a pedestrian crossing, stealing his keys, then riding off to god knows where? Oh the shame!

Little Fink's comment was, "I hope this type of thing isn't going to happen every Friday!"

We decided that if he had had more time to think, once he had the keys, he should have cycled back down the pub with the keys and stayed there all night! (Noone knew who he was and wouldn't have been able to find him)!

A BANG in Hemel - not again!

http://www.hemeltoday.co.uk/todays-picture/Explosion-rocks-industrial-estate.3599707.jp

The first I knew about the explosion was when I received a text message from the 'school alert service' which sends out one message to all mobile phone toting parents....(message shown here abridged)

"Re the fire in Maylands Avenue. There is NO DANGER. We do NOT need to evacuate the school. The children will be kept indoors as a precaution."

Now there's a message to make you sit up and take notice! Who said Hemel was a dull place to live!

My New Hobby

I have a brand new hobby. It doesn't cost anything and it relieves stress and tension. Normally I avoid all forms of conflict at all costs, I am rubbish at being assertive. To try and cure myself, I have started to be assertive with complete strangers. You know those unsolicited phone calls we all get - well I practice on them.

Last week I had a call from a man from a company purporting to be from a store that I have a credit card with. He was trying to sell me an insurance to guard against indentity theft and credit card fraud. I put it to him that it was ironic that a complete stranger should have my name, address and credit card details and try to sell me identity theft insurance, he didn't have a lot to say and we parted telephone company.

Also this week, Kwik-Fit phoned (got our details from the new exhaust on Laura - which has to go back I might add, as it is still blowing) Mr Fink's phone, I answered and a voice said, "Hello, this is Ian from Kwik-Fit, Is that Mr Fink?" To which I asserted myself with, "DO I SOUND LIKE A MISTER?".

It's good game which I think we can all play - I almost look forward to the next phone call and when I pass level one, I get to progress onto the Jehova's Witnesses.

Switch off your mobile!

Last week Mr Fink went to pick 'Little Fink' up from Cubs. There is usually a quiet time at the end, where Akela gives out the badges they have earned, they are given any important notices and they stand quietly to salute the Union Flag as it is put away for the night.
I forgot that Mr Fink was at this peaceful place and wanted to ask him to get a loaf of bread on the way home, so I phoned his mobile.
So during the quiet period, at full volume, Mr Fink's phone bellowed out "Counting flowers on the wall" a country and western song made famous in 'Pulp Fiction'. He quickly turned the phone off (he thought), getting the evil eye from the other parents and Akela. When I decided to send a text to make sure he got the message.
Mr Fink's text alert is Foghorn Leghorn shouting, "I said, I said - alooky here boy, looky here".
I would have paid good money to see his face when THAT went off!

What goes around comes around because - I was taking the minutes at a Departmental Board meeting at the hospital this week (imagine 10 people - the top of their field - discussing the intricasies of all things X-Ray and medical) when all of a sudden, my pencil case starts vibrating across the table in front of everyone. Oh just shoot me now why don't you.
(Before the meeting, I had switched my phone to 'silent' and put it in my pencil case.)
I'm not sure if they knew what was making it move as I didn't get it out, but everytime they look at me now, they give me a 'knowing' look.
Mr Fink 1 v Mrs Fink 1 - we are even.