(Ched, you better sit down before you read this!)
Shouty Grandad gets on his bike and cycles to swimming on a Friday, then he goes to the pub for a pint. Last week on his way out of the pub car park he fell off his bike. (Sorry, I checked, there was no CCTV.)
This week, as he was coming home at about 6pm, he cycled almost all the way home without incident, when he came to the pelican crossing. The traffic heading downhill to the roundabout was backed up past the crossing so when the green man flashed, Shouty Grandad started to cross. He walked between the stationary cars and as he was completing his journey across the road he heard a screech of brakes and a van just managed to stop before it hit Grandad's legs.
Grandad told the van driver what he thought of his driving. The van driver told Grandad that he though he was too old to be out this late and to get out of the way or he would wrap the bike round Grandad's neck. Grandad told the van driver, if he touched the bike Grandad would give him what for. Grandad laid the bike down in front of the van so he could take the van registration number. (Bare in mind this is rush hour on a Friday, on an arterial road which leads directly to 2 of the most congested motorways in the country - one of which is undergoing roadworks at the busiest junction on it's length. The traffic is now backed up to the roundabout and beyond.) The driver got out and started to move the bike. Grandad told him to leave it, the van driver threatened to thump Grandad. Grandad told him it would be the last thing he ever did. The man moved the bike so Grandad took the van keys out of the van ignition (much to the surprise of the passenger in the van!)and told the man he was not fit to drive and that Grandad was going to keep the keys. One of the onlookers phoned the police. Grandad grabbed his bike, jumped on it and rode home (van keys in pocket). When he got in the door Nanny knew he had been up to something, he said, "I've still got the keys and I'm not sure what to do". Anyway. He called the police (God knows how they got to the house as the road will have been blocked for miles by now.) they arrived, got the keys and heard the whole story. Apparently the angry van driver had told them that Grandad suffers from Alzheimers! The Policeman asked if dad had any medical problems!
Apart from collapsing with laughter at the actions of a man who should be slowing down and is old enough to know better, it occurred to me that as I went home from their house on Friday night, I must have missed this fracas by seconds. Mum recons Dad turned up only a few minutes after I had left. Imagine if I had left a few minutes later and driven to the end of the road, only to find my father scrapping with a van driver on a pedestrian crossing, stealing his keys, then riding off to god knows where? Oh the shame!
Little Fink's comment was, "I hope this type of thing isn't going to happen every Friday!"
We decided that if he had had more time to think, once he had the keys, he should have cycled back down the pub with the keys and stayed there all night! (Noone knew who he was and wouldn't have been able to find him)!
