I am a turkey vulture. Yes indeed
My head is bare to prevent rotting flesh from adhering to it.
To keep cool, I poop on my legs and feet.
My main defence is projectile vomiting.
I am SO awesome.
(I love the smile on the vulture's face.)
Anyhoo, the further adventures of Shouty Grandad. Did you know, the series "Adventures of a Call Girl" with Billie Piper - which is rather fab - started life as a series of weblogs written a few years ago, they were adapted into a book and then into a TV series. I wonder if anyone will pick up the "Adventures of Shouty Grandad"? this time next year, we'll be millionaires!
On Thursday, (Friday is Shouty Grandad's usual day for mischief) he went into town to pay some bills at the bank. The bank's cashiers are upstairs, access gained by a couple of escalators. He sorts out a couple of bills, checks some direct debits, one appears to not have been cancelled despite his instructions. As he walks away from the cashier, he is thinking about the uncancelled direct debit and a nagging feeling that he has forgotten to do something.
He starts down the escalator and suddenly remembers he needs to pay the phone bill at the bank, so turns round and tries to walk up the down moving stairs.
Picture the scene - in slo-mo, a man in his early 60's, bad back, sore leg, shorts, deck shoes and socks, rucksack on his back. turns on his heel, faces uphill, his hands on the rails continue to go down, his feet grip the steps and he loses his balance. He travels the rest of the escalator upside down, knees bleeding where they have caught the teeth on the edge of the moving steps. He reaches the bottom on his back, like a flipped over tortoise resting on his rucksack. Staff from all corners of the bank rush to his aid, he has made so much noise falling down the stairs that staff from upstairs AND downstairs come to see what has happened.
His shorts are covered in blood and a member of staff says, "Shall I call an ambulance?". "No" says Shouty Grandad. "Why not?" "No bones broken and, I've still got to go upstairs and pay the phone bill!"
Did he go home and get changed before going to the dentist? Again picture the scene - small children waiting to go into the dentist when after having his filling, Shouty Grandad appears in the doorway covered in blood. You can imagine the kids dentist phobias forming by the moment.
(The only good thing to come out of this is, now when Shouty Grandad winds up Little Fink, usually there is nothing she can do to him to get him back, but yesterday all she had to do was press the bruise on his knee to extract a piercing scream from him - hours of endless fun!)
There is never a dull moment in Shouty Grandad's world!
