Every morning, I take a little white pill. It seems insignificant so to remind me to take it, I have a routine where I put the pill on my tongue, drink some water, put the pills back in the drawer, take out my roll-on deodorant and apply it. Never fails.
The pill? Oh it's an anti-depressant. It stops me feeling the dark moods of despair, that everything is hopeless, the impression that everything is closing in on me, squashing me, making me want to get into the car and just drive and drive and drive, to the seaside, to the fells, anywhere, just away. Away from what? My family? No, even in my darkest mood i still love my family. My home? No I love my house and everything in it, i have no money worries, i love my job. I have wonderful supportive friends. What right do I have to feel so bleak? And there is the crux of depression. there is no reason to it. It just 'is'. It's often hard for people to sympathise because there are no outward symptoms, no bruise or bandage to show you are hurting. the older generation often tell you to, 'pull yourself together', or, 'snap out of it'. Ahh if only!
Anyway, my little white pill (in the main) stops those feelings of hopelessness and allow me to be more 'me'.
Why am I telling you this? Well this morning I did my little routine with the pills and the water and the deoderant but I wasn't really awake. I took out the pills, popped on in my mouth, picked up the roll-on deodorant and wiped it on my tongue. Oh gee-whizz that is one of the foulest tastes known to man. Bleurgh.
So today, have a thought for those of us with mental health issues! (At least we don't have bad breath!)
