Right, here is today's tale of woe and pain. Are you sitting comfortably? Yes?, then I'll begin.
I work at the local hospital. I park my car at the local park and get on the hospital-provided shuttle bus that drives back and forth from the park to the hospital to the park to the hospital etc etc. This saves on parking spaces at the hospital.
The timetable for the bus is listed on the hospital intranet along with the timetables for the other 8-9 buses that travel between the hospital sites.
A couple of times I have worked late and aimed to catch the 1820 bus back to the park to pick up my car. Each time there has been no bus and I have fumed, I mean, walked back to the park.
Today I spoke to the drive about this, he said he finishes at 1730 and there are no more buses after that. I checked the timetable, the bus is supposed to run until 2030?????
So I phoned the NHS transport department - they look after the drivers, design the routes and control the timetables, to try and get to the bottom of the great timetable mystery.
I asked the lady what time the last bus went from the hospital to the park. A simple question? No. She gave me the details of every other bus the Trust runs except mine. As I explained for the hundredth time ITS THE BUS FROM THE HOSPITAL TO THE PARK, not another hospital, THE PARK. she said, "I've got one here that runs from the hospital to the park, it could be that one?". "Yeeeeeees" I said, what I meant was, "YOU DON'T THINK???". "Which day are you interested in?" she asked. "Everyday, it runs every week day." She then stated in triumph, "Half past one, that's the last bus." I argued for a little while that I nearly always get the 1445 bus, 90% of the time I will get the 1445 bus, but she was insistent that the last bus was at 1330.
I was getting really mad by this time. "Is there another page of numbers, more information?" "Nope, nothing, nada, niet." I am feeling exasperated now and running out of patience at her constant dimness, so I throw in my trump card, "Please can you tell me who I am speaking with?" I find this tends to focus people's attention when I'm getting nowhere on the phone. "Hang on" shad she. Christ, I thought, she doesn't even know her own name and she's gone off to ask someone.
"She came back to the phone and said (and this is totally true), "This isn't the Transport Department." "WHAT! WHAT! What is it then?" I shouted. "It's the switchboard, we take over from the transport department when they go home at 1630." (Struth on a bike.)
I asked what time they wake up in the morning (an attempt at levity and humour - will I never learn?) and she said, "Who?"
"Never mind," said I and disconnected the call.
Geez, is it me? (Then I met a man in the charity shop who told me his ambition was to be on The Grumpy Old Men TV programme! Natch!)
