I wanna tell you a story. If you're sitting comfortably, I'll begin.
One day, in July, our boiler broke down at 'Chez Fink'. It started to make a terrible banging noise and Mr Fink turned it all off and called the plumber - who shall be known as 'Steve'. (Smashing chap).
Steve came round and swtiched the boiler on, it dutifully started banging alarmingly, so much in fact that Steve said, "Bloody Hell, it's not meant to sound like that" and promptly turned it off and told us not to switch it on again.
Mr Fink arranged for Steve to come to 'Chez Fink' while we were on holiday in Devon and replace the radiators and boiler.
Coincidentally during this time the gas board were digging up the path in front of our house (remember this, it's important later).
Steve phoned during the week to report all was going well, apart from our free-range rabbit 'Bunnyfink' biting his trousers as he was coming up the path, and that he should be finished before we got home.
While we were finishing our al fresco breakfast in sunny Devon on the last day of our holiday, Steve phoned to say, "I have some good news and some bad news". It turned out the good news was that all the radiators and boiler had been installed and they had tidied up. The bad news was, the gas board had cut us off. When Steve said, they had cut us off, he really meant it. They had disconnected our house from the gas main, replaced the main and forgotten to reconnect us, they had filled in the hole and tarmac'ed over the top. This meant that the boiler could not be commissioned as it could not be tested.
We arrived home from holiday and admired our spanky new rads and boiler and I started making frantic phone calls to get the gas back on because 'Lance' the Corgi registered guy, was going on holiday in 48 hours - not to be seen for 3 weeks and he was the only one qualified to commission the boiler.
I was put through to customer services, they had all gone home, I tried several different ways to get hold of them - to no avail. In the end, Steve suggested I phone the "Oh my god, I can smell gas" line that is printed on the top of my gas bill. I did and got the following response.
Mrs Fink - I need someone to come out and reconnect my gas
Muppet from gas board - I can send out an engineer to see if it is necessary
Mrs Fink - I know it is necessary, I have no gas and no supply, it has been cut off underground and tarmac'ed over. Nothing, nada, neit, zilch, SIN GAS.
Muppet - OK - to get the ball rolling I need to send the engineer and for him to come, I need you to answer a few STANDARD questions
Mrs Fink (loosing the will to live) Oh if you must but it will be a wasted journey.
Muppet - Question one, Can you smell gas?
Mrs Fink (apoplectic by now) SMELL GAS! SMELL GAS! Oh that I could smell gas, therein lies the crux of my problem, I DONT HAVE ANY BLOODY GAS.
You get the idea.
Anyway, the engineer came out - pronounced that there was no gas (- SURPRISE -) (I asked him why - was it because I had not made enough cups of tea for the gang? He said, "No" probably just an oversight, they probably just forgot) and arranged for the gang to return.
The crew duly arrived the next day, dug up the road and reconnected us. I asked the foreman why we had not been reconnected to the main, was it an oversite and a mistake? He said, "Oh no, it's very complicated er, the main at this point er er...." Yeah right mate, YOU FORGOT.
The upshot is, we now have lovely rads and a new boiler. You'd think the story would end there but no - a week or so later we discovered a problem in the pipe layout (under the floors, left by the previous occupant) which meant that the radiators came on everytime the hot water was on. ARGH - Imagine spare room and bathroom with no carpet, no floorboards etc. Mr Fink came up with the bright idea, "Steve, while you're doing that, can you rip out the bath?... we never use it and the space we will gain... (cue the sound of Mrs Fink sobbing gently into her G&T) But that is another story.
One day, in July, our boiler broke down at 'Chez Fink'. It started to make a terrible banging noise and Mr Fink turned it all off and called the plumber - who shall be known as 'Steve'. (Smashing chap).
Steve came round and swtiched the boiler on, it dutifully started banging alarmingly, so much in fact that Steve said, "Bloody Hell, it's not meant to sound like that" and promptly turned it off and told us not to switch it on again.
Mr Fink arranged for Steve to come to 'Chez Fink' while we were on holiday in Devon and replace the radiators and boiler.
Coincidentally during this time the gas board were digging up the path in front of our house (remember this, it's important later).
Steve phoned during the week to report all was going well, apart from our free-range rabbit 'Bunnyfink' biting his trousers as he was coming up the path, and that he should be finished before we got home.
While we were finishing our al fresco breakfast in sunny Devon on the last day of our holiday, Steve phoned to say, "I have some good news and some bad news". It turned out the good news was that all the radiators and boiler had been installed and they had tidied up. The bad news was, the gas board had cut us off. When Steve said, they had cut us off, he really meant it. They had disconnected our house from the gas main, replaced the main and forgotten to reconnect us, they had filled in the hole and tarmac'ed over the top. This meant that the boiler could not be commissioned as it could not be tested.
We arrived home from holiday and admired our spanky new rads and boiler and I started making frantic phone calls to get the gas back on because 'Lance' the Corgi registered guy, was going on holiday in 48 hours - not to be seen for 3 weeks and he was the only one qualified to commission the boiler.
I was put through to customer services, they had all gone home, I tried several different ways to get hold of them - to no avail. In the end, Steve suggested I phone the "Oh my god, I can smell gas" line that is printed on the top of my gas bill. I did and got the following response.
Mrs Fink - I need someone to come out and reconnect my gas
Muppet from gas board - I can send out an engineer to see if it is necessary
Mrs Fink - I know it is necessary, I have no gas and no supply, it has been cut off underground and tarmac'ed over. Nothing, nada, neit, zilch, SIN GAS.
Muppet - OK - to get the ball rolling I need to send the engineer and for him to come, I need you to answer a few STANDARD questions
Mrs Fink (loosing the will to live) Oh if you must but it will be a wasted journey.
Muppet - Question one, Can you smell gas?
Mrs Fink (apoplectic by now) SMELL GAS! SMELL GAS! Oh that I could smell gas, therein lies the crux of my problem, I DONT HAVE ANY BLOODY GAS.
You get the idea.
Anyway, the engineer came out - pronounced that there was no gas (- SURPRISE -) (I asked him why - was it because I had not made enough cups of tea for the gang? He said, "No" probably just an oversight, they probably just forgot) and arranged for the gang to return.
The crew duly arrived the next day, dug up the road and reconnected us. I asked the foreman why we had not been reconnected to the main, was it an oversite and a mistake? He said, "Oh no, it's very complicated er, the main at this point er er...." Yeah right mate, YOU FORGOT.
The upshot is, we now have lovely rads and a new boiler. You'd think the story would end there but no - a week or so later we discovered a problem in the pipe layout (under the floors, left by the previous occupant) which meant that the radiators came on everytime the hot water was on. ARGH - Imagine spare room and bathroom with no carpet, no floorboards etc. Mr Fink came up with the bright idea, "Steve, while you're doing that, can you rip out the bath?... we never use it and the space we will gain... (cue the sound of Mrs Fink sobbing gently into her G&T) But that is another story.
